


Is it too much to ask for something great?

by Cherrie



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1960s, Alternate Universe - Road Trip, And they pick up strays along the way, Blink and you'll miss it, Domestic Larry, Dustin and Tom are making a cameo cause this is as much self indulgent as it is a gift, Hell homophobia all around, Louis and Harry go on a roadtrip across the states, M/M, Mentions of homohopia, Mentions of shitty parental behaviour, Pre Stonewall, Since I tried to be historicly accurate, The excesive use of word fag, Those were the times, a little bit of lirry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-14 20:35:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9201962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cherrie/pseuds/Cherrie
Summary: It is the dawn of the sixties and the whole sexual revolution may as well never happened since Harry still has to muffle his groans in the pillow when he fucks. God forbid neighbours would caught on. But maybe he wants to scream, maybe he wants his moans to carry through the wall and maybe he even likes to think that they would irk the person there somehow, but no. No such thing happens with Louis, because apparently he is the only person on the planet who doesn't care who you fuck. Being a fag in Greenwich Village is great, lots of fun, being a fag who is in love with his painfully straight best friend Louis? Torture. He should just let the whole thing go. Louis doesn't care for his moans, he produces a lot of them on his own, and those on the other hand haunt Harry's dream, and he's pretty sure that ten days on the road with Louis and Louis alone is actually going to kill him.And he doesn't even like Beach Boys.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [raevenn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/raevenn/gifts).



> Okay so I was kind of scared shitless when I got this prompt and then it just kind of happened and I'm actually really fucking proud of this story, and I'm already setting my eyes on the sequel in the near future :D
> 
> So I hope that razberri likes it, since well, it was your gift ;) but I also would really really love it If someone else liked it too hahaha :D feel free to let me know ;)
> 
> Also major thank you to Serena- my brilliant beta who keeps up with my insane schedules and makes every story better. Thank you love x.
> 
> So without further ado- let's begin.

Out of habit Harry looked both ways carefully before stepping inside Stonewall. It used to make him mad that he needed to do that, he used to feel ashamed for doing it, like he was supposed to be brave and not give a shit what people thought. But that was when he was a kid and he thought that he could change the world. Now that he’s an adult, he knows that fags are supposed to shut up and keep quiet. He doesn’t like it, but he can’t do shit about it. 

 

Stonewall though, was home. It had been his first home before he moved in with Louis. Or rather, before Louis found out why Harry ran away and drove after him all the way to New York to yell at him for thinking for even a second that Louis would care that he’s gay.

 

Before that had happened, Harry was alone. He ran away with only a couple of bucks stolen from his mother’s purse. Most of it was spent on a bus ticket, so he found himself alone in a city he had never been to without any plan or even a slightest idea of what to do next. 

 

He was just wandering around town looking for any place to stay, or better yet a job, when he went by Stonewall. Someone had just opened the door, stepping out of it and Harry got a glimpse of what was inside and he stopped dead in his tracks. It was like seeing his wildest fantasy playing out in front of his eyes. Everything stopped and all he could see was two guys standing by the bar holding each other and kissing and his seventeen year old mouth fell right open. He couldn’t believe that of all the places he stumbled upon this one, so he walked in and ordered a beer with the last few dollars he still had. 

 

He must have looked pretty lost cause the next thing he knew, there was a guy with pompadour on his head sliding in the booth next to him holding a steaming plate with cheeseburger and fries on it. 

 

‘So I take it you’re new here?’ the guy asked.

 

‘Just drove in.’ Harry nodded a little tentatively.

 

‘I’m Nick’ the guy introduced himself.

 

‘Harry.’

 

‘Do you have somewhere to live, kid? A job?’ 

 

‘Um… no. Not really. Didn’t really have a time to plan ahead’ Harry murmured remembering how frantic his escape from home was, how he had barely ten minutes to pack and grab some cash before fleeing from the house, afraid that he might wake someone up. 

 

‘Run away fag?’ Nick asked, nudging Harry with his shoulder playfully.

 

‘Is there any other kind?’ Harry noted bitterly. 

 

‘There is. For example I’m the kind of fag that can’t stand seeing kids on the street. And let me tell you with that face you wouldn’t last a day there. But first, eat.’ Nick said, nudging the plate in his direction. 

 

Harry still wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to trust a stranger he just met but then again it wasn’t like he had a lot of options, so he bit on the cheeseburger and that night Nick took him home and let him sleep on the couch for few weeks and helped him find a job and an apartment that he could afford. If it weren’t for Nick, he had no idea where he would be now. Probably dead. 

 

Five years later, he was still friends with Nick and Nick was still taking in strays. Harry lost count of how many boys he had helped during the years he had known him. 

 

‘Hello fairy god mother’ he smiled, leaning in to kiss Nick’s cheek when he went into Stonewall. 

 

‘Hi Haz’ Nick smiled ‘Do you need some help in a record store, maybe?’

 

‘God you’re all business, no play’ Harry groaned signaling bartender for a drink ‘Another one of your lost boys need a job?’

 

‘Yeah, Matt? He’s been staying with me for few days, we’ve had a hard time finding him a job.’ 

 

‘I can ask Mac if we need any help.’ Harry nodded, taking a sip of his drink ‘I’ll let you know.’

 

‘Do that. So… how is your photography going? You had a meeting with someone about the exhibition?’ 

 

‘Yes but it didn’t work out.’ Harry admitted reluctantly. Rejection still stung a little bit.

 

‘Well perhaps art curators would be more receptive to your work if you would photograph anything other than just Louis’ Nick smirked, way too amused with the situation. 

 

‘Fuck off. I’m photographing plenty of other stuff. Louis just happens to be a great model.’ Harry answered innocently. 

 

‘And you also happen to be in love with him.’ Grimmy murmured. 

 

‘I am. But he’s not a fag. So the best thing for me to do is to just keep ignoring it’ Harry said squeezing his glass.

 

‘Are you sure? I mean, I never met another straight guy who would be okay with living with a fag. Not to mention following you here after you ran away and doing this whole speech about how you’re still his best friend and how you could ever doubt it. Man, it was like a freaking movie. Unless he maybe is just pretending to be straight… ?’ Grimmy asked hesitantly. 

 

It was a common topic between the two of them. Granted, Harry knew that his and Louis’ situation was unprecedented - that’s why he hadn’t come out to him in the first place and just left without saying a word - but Louis was a good friend and had tons of girls. Hell, he was dating one right now. He was not gay. And Harry had absolutely no chance. 

 

‘Grim we talked about this hundreds of times. Wishful thinking is not going to change the truth. So just drop it, yeah?’ Harry said resigned. He didn’t particularly like the idea of rehashing all the reasons why he and Louis would never happen. He did it enough himself every time Louis was close to him. 

 

‘Fine. You should still at least try to move on.’ Grimmy said, grabbing Harry’s hand ‘And look who just walked in through the door’ he added after that with a knowing smirk and a nod towards the guy who just walked in. 

 

‘He does have that lost puppy look on him, doesn’t he? You sure he’s not one of yours?’ 

 

‘Nah.’ Grimmy shook his head ‘No backpack, no bruises. He’s probably just figuring out he likes cock and he wants to try it out’

 

‘Well that’s something I can help him with’ Harry smirked and looked at the boy who just sat in the far end of the pub. He looked extremely nervous, he was looking around putting his hands on the table and then putting them back down and playing with his fingers. Harry ordered another beer and moved towards him. He stopped in front of boy’s table. 

 

‘Hey, is this seat taken?’ Harry asked raising beer glasses a little. The guy blushed and stuttered out a no. ‘I’m Harry.’ 

 

‘Liam. Nice to meet you’ Liam answered politely like a good church boy he, granted, probably was. 

 

‘Your first time in Stonewall?’ Harry asked scooting a little closer. ‘Or your first time in fag pub?’ 

 

‘Both actually’ he admitted blushing. 

 

‘So what brings you here?’ Harry asked, sipping on his drink.

 

The guy looked at him with assessing eyes, like he was weighing his options. 

 

‘Are you a fag?’ he asked finally with some new found determination. 

 

‘I am’ Harry answered after a second. He knew that technically he was on his territory, that Liam didn’t look like someone who would knock him out for being gay, or even look like someone capable of taking Harry down, but still such a direct question always prompted the involuntary reaction to deny your ass off. 

 

‘I think I am too.’ Liam said then, a little thoughtful. ‘My girlfriend, she tried to give me blowjob few days ago. And I was looking at her and I just … I couldn’t get it up like at all. The thought of her mouth on me was actually repulsing me. Like.. I wanted to just push her off because then she took her top off and I saw her boobs and it was just… it was disgusting. I just. We kissed but I was just closing my eyes and it was fine. It was just lips. But now? I just couldn’t! And then… and then I heard her older brother walking in the house. And I imagined him on his knees instead of her and I practically came on the spot.’ he said, blushing and ducking his head. 

 

‘Drink up. Gay epiphanies are stressful enough, drink up.’ Harry said, sliding the beer in front of the guy. 

 

‘Do you think I’m gay?’ Liam asked quietly after taking a huge sip of beer.

 

Harry looked at him and scooted over even closer. He turned him around lightly and put a hand on his neck, bringing them closer and kissing him on his lips softly before leaning back. 

 

‘Does this repulse you?’ Harry asked then, still holding Liam by his neck and playing with soft hair at the nape of his neck.

 

‘No.’ Liam whispered chasing after Harry’s mouth. Harry let him, because making out with a cute boy was not the worst way to spend his afternoon. So he let Liam open his mouth and climb half into his lap before they finally came up for air, Liam blushing when he noticed an obvious bulge in his own trousers. 

 

‘Do you feel gay?’ Harry smirked at him, talking towards his cock rather than his face.

 

‘I feel pretty gay.’ Liam laughed then bashfully. 

 

‘It’s manageable, kid’ Harry said, lighting up a cigarette ‘You just watch out, you keep your head down, you don’t tell anyone and you’re doing your business only in these places or at home. But quietly, you don’t want neighbours catching on. When there’s a raid on the bar you don’t resist and they should leave you be. It’s not ideal, but like I said, it is manageable.’ it wasn’t as easy as he made it out to be, but there was no point in freaking the guy out. 

 

‘My dad’s a cop. That’s how I heard about this place. He does raids here all the time.’ he said quietly ‘You should hear how he talks about you…’ he stopped for a second and swallowed loudly ‘... about us.’ he corrected. 

 

‘That sucks. Just don’t tell him’ Harry shrugged. When it came to cop parents the choice was easy. 

 

‘And how is it going to work later? Like when I’m older. What am I supposed to do? Find a wife? I can’t get it up for a girl when I’m a hormonal teenager who thinks about getting off a hundred times a minute. How am I supposed to spend my whole life pretending?’ 

 

‘Look dude, there’s no need to think about your whole life now. You just figured out you’re even gay and I have to say you’re handling it way better than I thought.’

 

‘That’s because I think I … kinda always knew.’ Liam admitted ‘Like when I was jerking off I always thought of a guy. I never… I never admitted it? Not even in front of myself I was just…’ he trailed off ‘It happened in the heat of the moment, it’s nothing.’ he added making quotation marks with his fingers ‘But, I always knew.’ he finished.

 

‘So what you’re going to tell them? Look around you. Everyone here told their parents or got busted sucking cock. They all ran away here because after telling, there’s no other choice. So you can tell them, you just need to be ready to face the consequences.’ 

 

Before Liam had a chance to respond, the door opened and four cops stepped through the door. Harry sighed and looked around to find Liam crouching under the table. He looked at the cops but they were preoccupied with carding people in the front so he ducked under the table next to Liam. 

 

‘What the fuck are you doing?’ he hissed at Liam ‘You just show your ID and you pray they just let you go. They usually do, but they won’t if you do anything other than standing politely and waiting your turn!’ 

 

‘I know them’ Liam mumbled with his lips white and shaking ‘Those are my dad’s friends.’ he said then with tears pooling in his eyes. 

 

‘Shit.’ Harry swore, remembering how awful it was to be forced out of the closet. ‘Okay. Okay.’ he said under his breath wracking his head for a way out. ‘You see’ he said pointing towards the back room ‘there is a back door. It’s not commonly used but I used to work here so I know about it. When I say run, you run! But don’t look back and stay down, okay? I’ll be right behind you okay?’

 

‘But there’s a cop guarding them!’ Liam said panicky

 

He peeked from behind the table waiting for some kind of distraction. He was this close to asking Grimmy to make something up even though he hated to put his friends in harm's way when karma threw them a bone. A few patrons of the Stonewall club started to get agitated in front of police and in a few seconds it became a full blown riot. Every cop in the building, including the one guarding the back door, moved to help their colleagues and Harry whispered to Liam to run. Without wasting a moment he moved after him as fast as he could. 

 

The back door to the pub closed behind them with a rattle but neither of them noticed, too busy racing down the street. 

 

‘Okay, okay. Stop that’s enough. No one is running after us!’ Harry breathed out after few minutes. ‘Jesus Christ you’re fast’ he panted, resting his hands on his knees.

 

‘I play football!’ Liam said with such an even breath that Harry couldn’t help but wonder what would take for him to get out of breath.

 

‘So what’s your deal except for fag hating cop daddy? You’re in college?’ Harry asked when they both moved down the street in a slower pace once Harry caught his breath. 

 

‘Um. No. I’m in my senior year.’ Liam said blushing.

 

‘As in high school?’ Harry asked with huge eyes. 

 

‘Yeah’ Liam admitted looking embarrassed.

 

‘So you’re what? Seventeen and cruising for cock already? What is with kids these days!’ he exclaimed smirking lightly. 

 

‘I’m eighteen actually. And what about you, huh? You want to tell me that you waited longer?’ Liam answered, matching his tone.

 

‘No. I actually started around fifteen so I guess I’m the last person to judge.’ Harry smiled. 

 

‘Thank you for getting me out of there.’ Liam said taking Harry’s hand in his.

 

‘Dude!’ Harry said putting his hands in his pockets and stepping back ‘I know you’re new at this, but holding hands on the street? Not happening. The raid there? We went away before any of the exciting stuff happened but half of those people out there will be in prison or in papers and then outed just for being there. Not to mention they were probably beat down heavily. It’s how it is. You can’t just do this thing in public.’ he said then with an apologetic expression. Even though it wasn’t his fault, he still felt bad about breaking the news down for the kids. 

 

‘Oh… my, my dad does it too?’ Liam asked in a small voice.

 

‘I would love to tell you that there is a possibility that he is the only cop that is not fag hater but if he is doing raids… he’s doing the beating. Every one of them does.’ Harry admitted.

 

‘So if I would tell him, he would beat the shit out of me…’ Liam said sadly.

 

‘yep. ‘ Harry confirmed, figuring that Liam needed to know every gory detail in order to be safe. 

 

‘That’s just incredible.’ Liam said shakily, fishing in his pockets for cigarettes.

 

'Look, kid’ Harry said, putting one in his mouth and lighting it. 'No one said it’s easy. You can just pretend in front of them and wait few months, even years until you finish high school or even college, hell! You can pretend all your life If you want to. But when it comes to telling them? Don’t. Leave a letter and then get out. Yeah, I heard about few people that have cool parents, never met one of them but I heard they do exist. But your dad? Not one of them. Never met a guy, or well maybe I have if he’s doing raids, but if he’s a cop he’ll beat the shit out of you. I wish I had good news but it is what it is.’ Harry finished and stopped in front of his building 'This is where I live. I just want you to know that if you decide to run now or run later or they catch you, you can always find me here, I have a couch and I’ll help you. Streets are not the place you want to be in. Not going to tell you what to do, but I want you to know you do have an option.’ Harry said smiling at him. 

 

'Thank you. For everything. I’m not sure I will take you up on your offer but … I’m really relieved that I have some back up to fall onto if things go south.’ he admitted blushing lightly.

 

'Anytime. And still, see you around in Stonewall right? And you can always come visit, you know where I live so don’t hesitate to come by, yeah?’ Harry asked looking at him expectantly, waiting for Liam to nod his head.

 

'For sure. I think I will see you around.’ Liam said with a little smile on his lips that made Harry think that he had made his decision already. 'I should go now, curfew.’ he added rolling his eyes. 'See you soon, Harry.'

 

'Take care kid’ Harry answered and with a last final smile he went into his building.

 

It was still pretty early so he assumed Louis would still be on his date with Eleanor so he was pretty confused to find his best friend laying on the floor of their living room, smoking cigarettes and listening to the radio very loudly. 

 

Harry shrugged off his jacket and moved to lay beside Louis who jumped in surprise when Harry took out the cigarette from his dainty hands.

 

'Shit Haz!’ he exclaimed clutching his chest with his hand. 'you scared me to death!’ he added, turning down the volume of the radio.

 

'Sorry boo’ Harry smiled at him and sucked the cigarette, Louis’ eyes trailing the motion.

 

'Get your own damn smokes’ he grumbled and wetted his lips.

 

'What crawled up your ass today?’ Harry asked amused.

 

'I broke up with Eleanor’ Louis answered looking at Harry in a weird way, like he was expecting some kind of specific reaction. 

 

'Oh… I’m so sorry Lou!’ Harry said praying that it sounded as sincere as he tried to make it. It wasn’t even about the fact that he was in love with Louis. It was more about the fact that he never got their relationship in a first place. They were always trying to be such a cute, sweet, perfect couple, but every attempt just fell flat. The spark simply wasn’t there, they never clicked, they didn’t have anything in common and Harry had a hard time finding any kind of feeling between them. Even if it wasn't going to be him, he still believed Louis deserved better. 

 

'I’m not. I didn't really… care?’ he asked raising the pitch of his voice at the end of the sentence that made it seem like a question. 'We were never good together, no idea why I was holding onto her for so long’ he added averting his eyes. 'Let’s just not talk about her, it’s done. What’s up with you? I thought you'll be bringing some fag around much later than that' he said looking at the clock.

 

'I kinda met some kid, but there was a raid on Stonewall again, so…’ Harry started but Louis standing up abruptly interrupted him.

 

'But you’re fine right? You okay? They didn't hurt you?’ Louis asked, frantically looking over Harry’s body like he was scanning for injuries.

 

'Lou I’m fine.’ They had literally been through hundreds of those and Louis was still making such a big deal out of them. Harry didn’t want to admit it but it wasn’t helping his hopeless crush on Louis. 'I actually snuck out before they could ID me. With a kid’ 

 

'What the fuck Haz?! What if they'd caught you?! What happened to just laying low?!’ Louis exclaimed with his eyes shooting daggers.

 

'Kid’s dad is a cop. I couldn't let him get busted like that.’ Harry answered patiently, silently begging Louis to just understand it. 

 

'Oh so he was such a good fuck that you just forget about any reason whatsoever?!’ Louis yelled.

 

'I didn’t fuck him!’ Harry said, raising his voice too. 'Not that it's any of your business.’ he added with much more venom than the situation called for. 'I just… I know how it is to be caught. I couldn’t let this happen to him. I know you don’t understand, you weren’t there when it happened to me…’ 

 

'And whose fucking fault is that?!’ Louis yelled, sitting up violently 'You are the one who never told me and fucked off to New York without as much as a goodbye not to mention explanation!! You are the one that made me drive after you like your little fucking bitch to chase after you in every fag hang out I could find!’ 

 

Harry swallowed loudly and looked down at the ground ashamed. Louis was breathing heavily. 

 

'I thought we moved past it..’ Harry said quietly, now sitting opposite of Louis with his legs crossed.

 

'I thought so too, but here you are accusing me of something that is not my fault. I would have been there for you. If you would let me.’ he said hugging his knees tightly in a vulnerable gesture.

 

'I know.’ Harry admitted, moving closer to him. 'But I couldn’t have known this then. And I know you are wonderful person and maybe I should have trust in you, but… I thought my mom was wonderful person too, and she spit on me when she found out. And she did nothing when my dad beat me until I passed out. I thought they would never do that. I knew they wouldn’t be pleased about it but I never thought it would be that bad. Can you blame me for not taking a risk on you? They’re dicks I can live with that, but with you?’ he said his voice getting smaller and quieter by a second 'I couldn’t risk you hating me. And that way, when I just went away, I could have still.. I could have just pretended like nothing's changed. That you still live next door. That we’re still best friends.’

 

'Oh Harry’ Louis sighed, pulling him towards his body by his arm and hugging him close 'I’m sorry. I should have never brought it up. I know why you did what you did, I know, I’m not mad I promise. I know that it must have been so hard for you and you couldn't possibly know how I would react. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I just worry a lot. I’m scared that one day you’ll be at the wrong place at the wrong time caught sucking the wrong dick and … ‘ he choked at the last word and just buried his face in Harry’s curls. 'I don’t ever want to lose you’ he added after that, squeezing Harry to the point it actually hurt.

 

See? That kind of thing was doing nothing good for Harry, because in his mind he knew that Louis was just cuddly and affectionate person, but his heart? His heart preferred to believe that maybe someday Louis would be able to love him the way Harry wanted him to. 

 

'You won’t, I promise. I’m careful. I’m always careful. Just find me a boyfriend and I will stop sucking different cocks, I’ll just be sucking one. On the other side of your bedroom wall’ Harry joked trying to lighten up the mood, knowing full well that Louis couldn't stand this much emotion for such a long period of time.

 

'Well we’re driving to The Beach Boys tomorrow so we’ll go visit Castro District. If there’s somewhere you’ll meet your dream man it’s gay paradise.’ Louis laughed matching Harry’s tone.

 

'First of all I still can’t believe you to talked me into going to The Beach Boys concert and second I fucking hate dating. I want someone I already know! With whom I don't have to do those awkward first talks, getting to know each other and stuff.’ Harry groaned, suddenly not so thrilled about the trip.

 

'Well first of all’ Louis said mimicking Harry’s tone 'The Beach Boys are freaking amazing and I will convince you of that soon enough. Second you get to make amazing photos along the way and maybe you’ll even get that exhibit when we get back and third if you want someone you know maybe you should just date Grimshaw’ Louis added tightening his hold on Harry which only made it seem like he rather eat glass than let Harry be with Nick.

 

'Nah. He’s way into gay emancipation. I’m not about to wave banners soon and I wouldn’t particularly feel like being with someone and spend everyday waiting for a call that they got killed.’ Harry shivered thinking about how much danger his friend was putting himself in. He was worried sick as it was, he didn’t think he could handle it if Nick was his partner. 'I wish I could just date you’ he added then, words slipping out before he could stop them.

 

His heart skipped a beat and the noise in his ears was so loud that he missed the way Louis tensed under him.

 

'Sorry Haz, 'm not a fag'. Louis laughed, seemingly unaffected. 'But wouldn’t it still be nice to go on a two week vacation across the country with me?’ he added quickly trying to change the subject and smiled slightly, clearly pleased with his Beach Boys’ pun.

 

'It would indeed be extremely nice.’ Harry answered shaking his head fondly.

 

'Good because we should go to sleep soon. We’re leaving early and I need you to entertain me while we drive and not sleep in the passenger’s seat’ Louis teased.

 

Soon after, they both moved to the bathroom and then their respective bedrooms. Harry watched Louis disappear in his and with a heavy sigh he walked into his and packed a few last things into his backpack. He didn't bother putting on pyjamas so he just took off the towel he put on after shower from his hips and fell face first on the bed. 

 

The point is, he was friends with Louis ever since they were kids, and hiding accidental boners was a hardship when he was a teenager. He managed, though. He wasn’t exactly proud wanking to his best friend or coming with his name on his lips, but there wasn’t really anything he could do about it. It was better than Louis beating the shit out of him if he noticed Harry’s hard on. Or at least that’s what Harry always told himself. But he always liked to think that after a while the urge to just bend him over and fuck him senseless would go away, especially since it was getting clearer by the second that Louis would never want that. But no. Louis was always one constant figure in Harry’s wet night dreams and daydreams. And today was one of the worst. They were cuddling a lot, true, but combined with the touchy feely subject at hand and Louis's 'I never want to lose you’ was making Harry rut against the mattress right about now.

 

He tried to stop it for a few minutes and just will his body into not acting out around his friend, especially since he was about to spend two weeks with him all alone with not so many opportunities to get himself off. But let’s be honest here, if he could actually talk his dick into not finding Louis devastatingly attractive he would have done it already. So finally he caved in and biting on his pillow, he began rubbing on the mattress with his eyes closed imagining Louis under him. It took him an embarrassingly short amount of time to finish, barely managing to stop himself from screaming Louis’ name as he came.

 

This moment right now- laying in the wet spot of his own cum must be one of the most pathetic moments of his life. Sleeping it off was probably a great idea.

 

As usual Harry managed to get rid of his remorse during the night and be able to  look into Louis’ eyes again by the time they woke up and got ready to go. They ate breakfast, smoked a few cigarettes and, at Harry’s insistence, triple checked whether they had everything they needed with them.

 

Harry was actually getting excited about the trip. The weather was beautiful, Louis was even more beautiful and in such a good mood that it seemed to brighten up the world. They stepped out of their building holding their backpacks and a bag of snacks Harry had prepared for the road when Harry’s eyes landed on a figure sitting under the lamppost smoking a cigarette.

 

Liam was sitting, looking far ahead wearing a bomber jacket with a backpack fitted under his bent knees. That wasn't the most disturbing detail, though. His left eye was black, he seemed to have a cut on his eyebrow and on his lip, but his hands. His hands were covered in blood, Harry felt his veins freezing thinking about how he could possibly have gotten them in that state.

 

'Liam!’ he exclaimed frantically seeing the boy turn his head and look at him with sad smile.

 

'Harry’ he breathed, relief evident in his voice.

 

'What the fuck happened?’ he asked urgently coming to sit beside him on the sidewalk.

 

'I told them. Um… fuck. I told them about 5 hours ago?’ Liam said with a manic smile 'My dad just came back from the raid. He woke me up with his bragging. He was so fucking smug about it! He… he … one guy there… I…. Shit.’ he choked out and hide his face in his hands.

 

'Shit kid, what happened exactly? It’s fine, it’s fine just tell me’ Harry said soothingly when Louis stopped assessing Liam and sat beside Harry and handed him a bottle of water to hand to Liam. 

 

'He was bragging about how he… how he got one of them… the kid there. And I just … I couldn't take it? I know it was stupid but he nearly fucking killed him. He was so proud about it too. And I just told them. He was yelling 'no fag will ever show his face around me!’ like he..’ Liam laughed bitterly 'Like he was the scariest motherfucker of all times, and he was so smug about it saying that the guy was a pussy and a little bitch bending over and all fags can go to hell and I just couldn't stand it. I turned around and said 'I guess I better pack then’ and when he asked where I was going I said 'to hell’.’ Liam said taking a drag of a cigarette, his hands shaking around it. 'And for a minute it just stopped and I saw neither him nor my mother wanted to believe me. They were like waiting for me to say something so they could laugh it off and pretend it never happened. And I could have done it too! I could have, but…’ he said taking another drag and nearly burning his fingers since the cigarette was gone. 

 

'But?’ Harry asked gently lighting him another one.

 

'I just told them 'yeah you heard me, I’m a fag’. And first my mom laughed but I didn't. I just started to yell that I like cock and taking it up the ass, I don’t know' he shook his head 'I was just so angry. And then it started. He um… he jumped at me and started to beat me and… he got few hits in cause I was just… even after everything I was so surprised that he actually did this, but then I just got so angry. I … I work out, a lot, I jog everyday I play football, I box. So when I collected myself' Liam whispered, looking at his hands covered in blood. 'He passed out when I finally stopped, my mom... she was yelling at me and telling me to get the fuck out, that they don’t want to ever see my face. And I just… I grabbed what I could, some money and clothes and I was gone. He got his consciousness back while I was packing and he was still yelling for me to go to hell' he chuckled bitterly. 'And then I came here, I’m sorry I had no idea where to go I was just sitting here for hours because I didn't want to wake you.’ he added, looking at Harry with eyes so full with sadness and resignation that Harry’s heart clenched.

 

'It’s okay! I told you you can come here. I meant it. You can stay until you get a job or figure out what to do next okay?’ Harry said soothingly.

 

'Yeah mate, we have a couch’ Louis added smiling softly, and Harry sent him a soft smile. 'I’m Louis. I’m Harry’s roommate.’

 

'Liam. I’m sorry for barging on you like that’ he added sheepishly.

 

'Nonsense. Come on upstairs, let’s get you cleaned up’ Louis answered, waving his hand in unbothered manner.

 

He sat Liam down on a couch and instructed Harry to get a first aid kit and a cloth to wash his hands and face. Harry thought ahead and brought a bowl with water too, which proved helpful when the cloth was all red only after washing one hand. Louis was gentle with him, his touch only barely there, he squeezed Liam’s hands in comforting gesture before moving to his face and treating his injuries with the best he had. After Liam was all cleaned up and patched up, Louis made coffee and spiked it for everyone but himself, since he still wanted to drive, with a little bit of rum.

 

'Like I said before, you can stay with us for as long as you want’ Harry said soothingly when Louis stepped into the living room holding three cups of coffee. 'The only problem is that we’re actually going away for two weeks. We're driving to San Francisco and back for the beach boys concert’ he added as an afterthought. Of course he wanted Liam to stay in their apartment even if they weren’t there, or even go with them, but he wasn’t sure how Louis would feel about that.

 

'Oh’ Liam’s face fell 'No worries guys I can find somewhere else, it’s completely fine, you don’t need to…’ he started to blabber and Louis rolled his eyes.

 

'Sit your ass down, we’re not just going to kick you out - are you kidding?’ he said with shocked expression 'What about Grimmy, Haz?’ 

 

'He’s in capacity he has three living with him right now. He’s barely keeping it together, money's tight. And his landlady is not exactly thrilled’ Harry answered worrying his bottom lip.

 

'Well tough luck, okay kid so you can either stay here for two weeks alone, house sit for us and wallow in your misery and risk running into your parents or! You can come with us. We have a place in a car and a trip might be good for you, get your mind of off things.’ Louis replied easily with a smile, and he wasn’t the kind of person to have hero’s remorse, but if he did regret making this offer to Liam the blinding, grateful smile that Harry shot him would make it all better.

 

'Really? Wow. I… wow. Thank you. Um… do you think I can talk to Harry for a second?’ he asked blushing and Louis just nodded and left with a soft smile. It was a given, Harry was the person he first connected to.

 

When Louis left to his room, probably sitting on the bed trying not to eavesdrop - not that it would work,  the walls in the apartment were really thin - Liam was twisting his fingers and avoiding Harry’s eyes.

 

'what's up kid?’ Harry asked finally.

 

'I just… does he know? That we.. um… that we kissed? Cause he’s being really nice to me, and… I don’t know if… If you have like an arrangement but I… I wouldn’t want to be the one that's like… coming between you two… even though I mean I know that obviously he’s like gorgeous… like I know I’m not a competition… but we did kiss, and I don’t want to like…’ Liam was blabbering but as soon as Harry figured out what he was saying his eyes bulged out in shock and his body adopted the only defensive reaction it could- laughter.

 

'No no! Kid! It’s fine! Lou’s not my boyfriend.’ he said through giggles. 'He’s straight. We’re just friends’ he added patting him sympathetically on the leg.

 

'Oh.’ Liam said with a furrowed eyebrows like he couldn't wrap his head around something.

 

'He’s great okay? He’s… um. He’s one of the kind. Usually, coming out to a straight person? Not a good idea. Coming out to Louis? Turns out not a big deal. I learned the hard way trust me.’ Harry added and prayed that Louis shot his ears and sang under his breath and wasn’t listening in so he wouldn’t hear how hopelessly in love he sounded. 'So you’ll come with us?’ Harry added clearing his throat.

 

'I promise I’m cool, you can suck every cock you want and I won’t go ballistic on you!’ they heard Louis’ happy giggle from the other room and both Liam and Harry laughed along with him.

 

'He means that too. He has walked in on me fucking guys, and threw a lot of them out in the morning when I didn’t want to deal with it. He’s um… he’s great’ he ended lamely, having a faint memory of saying the same thing few seconds before.

 

'Shit. Yeah! You know what? Yeah. I'll go with you. That’s... shit! Thank you!’ Liam exclaimed, smiling at Harry like a happy puppy and Harry couldn't help but melt a little.

 

'Okay kid there’s just one ground rule’ Louis said stepping inside living room again with a serious expression that made Liam backtrack on the smile 'No more thanking us.’ he ended with devilish grin and Liam smiled again 'We get it you’re grateful now let’s just agree we’re gonna help and you don’t have to thank us everytime we look at you yeah?’ he wiggled his finger playfully at him.

 

'Yeah okay.’ Liam smiled.

 

Not so long later, the three of them were sitting in Louis’ beat down car leaving New York behind them. Liam was laying sprawled over the backseat smoking cigarettes and looking up at the sun. Louis was driving but couldn’t help throwing glances at him through the rearview mirror. He tried to figure out how the younger boy was holding up.

 

Harry on the other hand was way more forward with his approach and spend the majority of the ride acting like a mother hen, smothering him, proposing snacks and water, asking if he wasn’t cold until finally even Liam, with how grateful he was, had enough.

 

‘Dude. Literally, shut up’ he laughed ‘I beat the shit out of my old man, I’m pretty sure that around here it’s a worn out trope already’ he added, leaning in and putting his head on Harry’s shoulder ‘But you’re cute when you worry’ he finished with a giddy laugh when he leaned back again and lit up another cigarette. 

 

‘You are pretty giddy considering…’ Louis observed a little warily, having a hard time with hiding his bitterness over how comfortable Harry and Liam were in each other’s company. 

 

‘I don’t know man.’ Liam sighed ‘When I told them. In that one second after I told them and before they had a chance to react I had that little shimmer of hope that it won’t end up badly, that they were going to be okay with it. Even if I knew it could never happen like that, but still it was there. So when my father jumped at me...I felt like I was falling from the fucking Empire State Building. But then… You can’t understand that, it’s not a dig at you, it’s just the way it is, you can’t understand until you’re gay. When they hate you and want you to die you feel ashamed and pissed and heartbroken but then you pack your stuff, you leave and you just. You feel free. All that is left is freedom. You can be who you are, you can do what you want, there’s no one looking over your shoulder. Your life is your own. So I could focus on the things that are hurting me now, but I could also focus on the fact that for the first time in my life I get to decide what will happen to me. It’s pretty damn freeing.’ he smiled softly, sneaking  a quick glance towards Harry.

 

‘Yeah’ Harry sighed dreamily, already looking at Liam like they were a part of some club that Louis was not a part of. Like Liam could understand all the parts of Harry that Louis never reached. Or maybe it wasn’t about Louis at all. Maybe Liam just lived through the same thing Harry did. Maybe they really did got each other. Those bastards.

 

‘And now we’re on the open road, asphalt disappearing under our wheels’ Liam mused once again leaning in and wrapping his arms around Harry’s neck.

 

‘Leaving New York and all that shit behind’ Harry smiled softly holding Liam’s forearm and tilting his head up to look up at him with lopsided smile. 

 

‘With wind in our hair and sun in our eyes and damn if anything feels better than this’ Liam laughed softly.

 

‘Yeah, yeah, got it. You’re a Beach Boys song in the making, all warm and fuzzy. Now who’s up for some food?’ he asked slowing down next to some burger joint on the side of the street. 

 

‘Don’t act so annoyed Lou, you love beach Boys’ Harry laughed messing with Louis’s hair.

 

‘Yeah, whatever man’ Louis snarled parking the car. He was out of it before Harry and Liam could even react and after a second he disappeared inside. They exchanged puzzled looks over Louis’ outburst but ultimately shrugged and decided that following him in was the best option. Louis did always get cranky when he was hungry. 

 

The place was not fancy at all. There were a few people sitting in the booths or by tables, and some patrons drinking beer by the bar. Cigarette smoke was swirling in the air and The Beatles were playing on the radio. Harry scanned the place looking for his best friend and found him in the booth sitting next to a boy with light brown hair who was clutching Louis’ arm. Both of them were laughing hard, nearly doubling over themselves. Harry felt a pang of jealousy hitting his stomach and moved with a determined gaze towards them, Liam following close behind. 

 

‘You could have waited for us’ Harry said with snippy tone and sour expression when he came to a halt above Louis.

 

‘Was hungry. If you ladies would rather giggle in the car all day than eat I can’t stop you, but I’m definitely not gonna join you’ Louis answered with the same tone of voice, his blue eyes fixed on Harry in an icy challenging stare.

 

‘And who do we have here?’ Harry asked with faux interest, looking over to Louis’s companion.

 

‘This is Niall.’ Louis said with self satisfied smirk when he could still feel Niall’s hand on his shoulder. 

 

‘Nice to meet ya, mate.’ Niall said with heavy irish accent.

 

After quick introduction and ordering food, the four of them settled around the booth drinking beers, smoking and waiting for their burgers to arrive. 

 

‘So you’re from Ireland?’ Liam asked with huge hungry eyes.

 

‘Yeah! Was a roadie for Beatles back in a day they took me on tour here and I just stayed. America was calling to me mate!’ Niall laughed and proceeded to tell hundreds of crazy stories about his time with the fabulous four, sharing all the juicy details.

 

‘I’m telling ya, Lennon and McCartney? They were fucking around. One hundred percent. Once I had a hotel room right next to John, heard them going at it all night.’ Niall said leaning in and looking at all three of them with a conspiratorial smile. 

 

‘No way! Lennon and McCartney together?!’ Liam whispered throwing quick glances over his shoulders to see if anyone was listening.

 

‘Mate I’m telling ya! Saw it with my own eyes. People in music business back home? They don’t care. Bowie fucks guys all the time , everyone knows but no one speaks of it and it’s fine. Pretty sure he has something going on with Jagger.’ Niall said dropping the names like it was nothing.

 

‘Fuck that’s awesome’ Liam said with an almost reverent look on his face before snapping back to reality and noticing that he’s not sandwiched between Bowie and Jagger just yet, that he’s still deep into rural America somewhere between Pittsburgh and Pennsylvania. ‘I mean, yeah that’s… whatever’ he finishes lamely, a furious blush fighting its way onto his cheeks. 

 

‘Yeah man it’s awesome!’ Niall laughed clapping Liam on the back jovially.

 

‘Man, not to be a buzz kill’ Louis said carefully ‘But you’re better off with not announcing to everyone you meet that you think fags are awesome’ he added in a hushed tone. 

 

‘Mate who cares? I’m not a fag but I’m all for man loving each other. It’s beautiful sight mate. You’re missing out’ Niall said without a single care in the world, and holy shit if the kid doesn’t end up bashed on the wrong side of the tracks it will be a miracle. 

 

‘Wow’ Liam said with huge hopeful eyes

 

‘Yeah kid, no’ Harry said sternly ‘You’re not taking his example. That’s great that you’re so liberal but in case you can actually end up dead if someone will catch you with your pants down in the wrong alley you can say you support fags all you like, you’re still not one.’ he added looking dead into Niall’s eyes angry that someone might be listening in. Maybe already waiting for them to walk out. Getting nervous by the second. 

 

‘So you’re gay?’ Niall asked with the same cheery expression but Harry didn’t even wince in answer.

 

‘I am’ Liam said quietly, and Harry held his breath, he could see Louis’ terrified expression on the other side of the table but Niall just made a big show of laughing and high fiving Liam. Harry could see Louis exhaling loudly clearly relieved, but he wasn’t yet.

 

‘Yeah kid I need to talk to you’ he said quickly pulling Liam out of the booth and out of the pub by his jacket. They moved to the other side of the parking lot and Harry looked around thoroughly looking for any sign of people around them when he found none he slapped the back of Liam’s head lightly.

 

‘Are you an idiot?’ he asked demandingly ‘I’m not being mean, I’m genuinely asking you, because I can see no other reason why you would put yourself in this kind of danger!’

 

‘Harry you heard him! He’s okay with it!’ Liam said happily.

 

‘No! Fuck!’ Harry exclaimed grabbing Liam’s arm forcefully ‘You don’t trust strangers! You hear me? You trust your people, the people you meet in gay’s hang outs you don’t trust straights on the street! He could be an undercover cop for all you know! He could be trying to lure you and then arrest you!’ somewhere in the middle he had started to raise his voice and by the end he caught himself, realizing that he was speaking way too loudly. He looked around once again and turned to Liam ‘Look kid, I know…’

 

‘Harry, stop.’ Liam said softly ‘I know you’re just trying to teach me, to keep me safe, and I appreciate it, but I can’t spend my life looking over my shoulder all the time. I did the most terrifying thing I could possibly think of. I told my dad. And after that? Not much really scares me. And the truth is even in gay hang outs I can still get killed. That’s just the part of equation. But I’m not going to stop living my life because of the fear.’ he added with surprised conviction, and Harry was left gaping at him. 

 

The point was, he did see where Liam was coming from, hell he might have thought all those things himself once. When he came to New York, he was full of fight. He thought that yeah, where he grew up there wasn’t a lot of people like him, but there was Greenwich Village where he would finally meet his own, and that they would fight together. But then the raids happened, and the first of his friends died. Caught sucking someone off on the docks. Then the second one of his friends died, having come out to his friend, not expecting for a guy to knife him six times in a chest and five in the stomach. Then his killer went free, claiming gay panic defence and the judge let him walk. And somehow for years it looked like no matter what they were doing, they couldn’t win. So it was easier to just stop fighting. But this kid hadn’t lived through all of that. Wasn’t it fair to him to let him find out on his own?

 

‘Fine.’ Harry relented. ‘But still for crying out loud, don’t just come out to everyone you meet?’ he added still slightly annoyed and worried.

 

‘Fine’ Liam said micking Harry’s tone and smiling widely. 

 

When they came back there was food laying on the table, Louis and Niall already half through it. They both sat back down, Harry sending tentative smile to Niall who continued with his crazy stories like nothing ever happened. When Louis finished his food he sneaked his hand to Harry’s plate to snatch a fry. But Harry caught his wrist with a playful smile.

 

‘What do you think you’re doing?’ he asked with toothy grin.

 

‘Sharing is caring?’ Louis asked tilting his head to the side, mischief lighting up his eyes. 

 

‘Well I believe you should eat more.’ Harry said letting go of Louis’ wrist and sliding the plate closer to him, waiting for Louis to take the bait. He waited until his best friend bit on the four fires at once before adding. ‘I mean you are pretty small for your age’ and relishing in how much Louis face went red with rage.

 

‘Take that back you bloody giant!’ Louis squeaked outraged.

 

‘Never! I could probably put you in my pocket’ Harry laughed ‘Are you sure you’re okay to drive? You’re reaching the pedals?’ he asked with fake concern and Louis’ nostrils were flaring. Louis was about to say something, bite back but suddenly something switched in his face and anger was replaced with a coy smirk. He looked over at Liam and Niall who were both deep in the conversation and looked at the other patrons who didn’t seem to be paying attention to them. Suddenly Harry could see a small foot making his way up and down his leg.

 

‘I would say I’m a perfect size’ Louis purred, his feet putting a steady pressure on his legs, moving all the way to his thigh and back down again. ‘Wouldn’t you say so?’ he asked in low voice, batting his eyelashes innocently, and damn him! Those eyelashes were Harry’s kryptonite. 

‘I… I wouldn’t … know’ Harry choked out finally.

 

‘But wouldn't you like to know?’ Louis whispered sucking on the straw of his milkshake, making Harry’s head spin.

 

Thankfully before he had a chance to answer Liam interrupted them, oblivious to what was happening under the table.

 

‘Hey Niall is looking for a ride to California. He could pitch in for gas’ Liam said happily.

 

‘Sure mate, you can catch a ride with us’ Louis said, collected like he didn’t just make Harry half hard in his pants.

 

Harry was so dazed in his Louis induced haze that he didn’t even have it in him to protest about taking a stranger with them on the road trip and only had time to snap out of it when they were already back on the road again. The sun was starting to set and was playing shades on Louis’ hair and Harry scrambled to get his camera out of the glove compartment. He snapped yet again about fifty pictures of Louis, occasionally snapping one of Liam and even Niall from time to time. As the miles went by he got less and less wary of the irishman - an undercover cop wouldn’t be driving with them through state lines, and if he wanted to bash them he could have done it when they met - and by the minute it was easier to breathe. 

 

Finally somewhere near Pittsburgh they started to look for a cheap motel to sleep in, not really keen on spending their first night in the car, especially since now there were four of them. Finally they found something looking sketchy enough for them to park the car and move to the reception. They rented one room with four beds in it and unloaded the car. Harry went to take a shower and Niall disappeared somewhere mumbling something about needing pints before sleep. By the time Harry got out of the bathroom he was alone in the room. Louis and Liam were nowhere to be found. He put on some clothes and stepped outside half wanting to find missing boys, half just wanting to smoke in peace relishing in the beautiful night. 

 

'How are you even friends?’ he heard a voice coming from behind the truck parked in front of their door. Liam, he recognised it quickly. He knew that he should just go inside or let himself be known but instead he moved closer not making a sound.

 

'We’ve always been friends’ Louis answered.

 

'yeah but, how come you’re cool with it?’ Liam pressed on, something like worship tinting his voice.

 

'He’s still the same person. He was always the same person.’ Louis said gently. Harry couldn’t see him but God he could imagine his little arms shrugging and him threading fingers through the side of his hair. 'I… I Don't know why it didn't bother me’ Louis said oddly choked down 'But it didn’t’ he concluded after a second with a finality to it.

 

'So you just ran away together?’ Liam asked in awe.

 

'Um… no. He came to New York first. I followed him few months later.’ Louis admitted and Harry still blushed at the memory, guilt swirling in his belly. 

 

'Why?’ Liam asked sounding like he was soaking every word Louis uttered. He probably was. 

 

'That’s… that’s his part of the story.’ Louis said and Harry felt blush deepening. Even after years he still felt guilty for not trusting Louis then.

 

'Hey guys!’ he said coming from behind the truck like he just stepped out of the shower. He heard enough of it, and didn't feel particularly fond of hearing how much he hurt his best friend by leaving. 'The bathroom is free.’ he added smiling at them and completely ignoring how both of them freezed at the sight of him. He made sure to keep his expression completely neutral, trying to convince them that he didn’t hear a word. 

 

'I’ll go shower then' Liam smiled and with a squeeze to Louis’ arm and wink Harry’s way, he was off.

 

Harry came to sit next to Louis on the ground and took the cigarette out of Louis’ hands, waiting for the usual eye roll and a fond 'buy your own’ but it never came. Instead Louis just took the other one out of the pack and lit it up. Harry considered for a second taking the second one too, just to see if that would get him a reaction.

 

'How did they find out?’ he asked so quietly that for a second Harry wasn’t sure that he heard him right. But there Louis was, looking at him expectantly and when Harry still hadn’t said anything he continued 'Because you vaguely told me what happened after they found out. But you never told me how they found out’ 

 

Harry felt nausea hitting him and he squeezed his fingers tightly, trying to contain panic from taking over. He sucked on the cigarette quickly and looked away when Louis tried to look into his eyes.

 

'Fine.’ he sighed finally. It had always bothered him that Louis didn’t know. He just kept wishing that he would magically find out without Harry having to talk about it. He wanted him to know, he just, he didn’t want to relive it.

 

'One day when I was um… sixteen I think? My dad's colleague came by the house to leave some papers or some stupid shit. I was alone in the house, no one was home. I didn’t go to school because I was sick, and well it was way too good of an opportunity to pass on. So I practically spent all day fingering myself.’ he laughed breathily ‘I would still jerk off even with my parents in the house but I never went anywhere near my ass when they were home, too afraid that if they walked in on me they would draw the obvious conclusion. So I was fucking myself and then the doorbell rings, right? So I put on some pants and a huge sweater to hide my cock and go downstairs. And there he is, he was handsome, kinda reminded me of…’ Harry said stopping himself second away from slipping the beans. 

 

He had gotten so caught up in memory whirlwind that he almost admitted that he fucked a guy because he looked a little bit like Louis especially when he smiled. 

 

'Whatever’ he laughed, trying to cover his distress. 'And he went inside, saying that he has to wait for my dad cause it's important. And I stayed with him, my parents taught me well huh?’ Harry grimaced, memories of his parents not capable of producing smiles from him anymore. 'He must have noticed something, I mean I was already hard, having a gorgeous guy right there with all my hormones didn’t help. I don’t know who went for it first. Him probably. I would be way too fucking terrified to do so. But well, he fucked me on the couch. And he kissed me afterwards. And then we met up again. He would make excuses to come by to my house so we could fuck or at least make plans. He would call too, hoping I would pick up, but If it was my dad or my mom he always had an excuse waiting. And um…’ Harry said exhaling shakily, fast approaching the worst part. 'About a year after that, my parents were supposed to drive to see grandma. They said they would stay there overnight so of course I invited him over. I think that… I think that a year of sneaking around and not getting caught had made me reckless because I didn’t even close the door with a key’ Harry said shaking his head at himself.

 

He exhaled shakily knowing that he was approaching the crucial part of the story. He realised his hands were shaking, so he put them under his thighs to stop the movement and keep Louis from noticing.

 

'They came back. Caught him balls deep in me. There was not much explaining to do then. He um… he tried though. He started blabbering that he came to leave things for my dad that I lured him in and got him drunk, there were bottles of beer we were drinking all over the place, he um… he called me names and said it was all my fault. I don’t think my dad believed it. I don’t know I was just… I was just standing there. Still naked because they didn’t even let me dress and I felt like my world was falling down under my feet. My dad said something about Police, but my mom talked him out of it, saying that they don’t need people finding out. What a shame that would be.’ he laughed bitterly. 'my dad started to say that they’ll fix me, that I’m sick but they will cure me, that we will go to church and the pastor will tell them what to do, and that one I heard…. I don’t know what I told him, what I do know is that the next thing I know my father swings at me and I just take it. The guy he… he ran off when I hit the floor. He didn’t even try to stop it. For months we were always saying that it was just the two of us against the world and he just… let them.’ Harry said the volume of his voice dropping down to barely above whisper. 'My mom spit on me when my dad was done. She said we’ll talk about it in the morning. I didn’t wait for the morning. That night I packed my shit and ran.’ Harry concluded, finally having the courage to look up at Louis fearing that he'll see pity in his eyes, that’s why he blinked in confusion when he saw Louis’ eyes full of tears.

 

'I’m so sorry love. I’m so sorry’ he whispered before tentatively picking one of Harry's hands up and kissing his knuckles over and over again. 'I’m so so sorry’ he whispered.

 

Harry looked up at him overwhelmed with emotions that the past brought up and with how Louis’ lips felt brushing against his skin, igniting million sparks in their wake. He looked up with huge terrified eyes that started to water somewhere in the middle of the story, and goddamnit he thought they couldn’t make him cry again, not after all these years but here he was, and Louis looked at him and remembered seventeen year old Harry, how he was then the last time he saw him, it was the last time he saw him because the person he chased down after and finally tracked down months later in New York was not the same one that left him without saying goodbye. Harry tried to say something but his voice caught in his throat and all he let out was a broken sound. He reached out to touch Louis and it seemed like it was all Louis was waiting for, some kind of insinuation that Harry wanted to be touched because halfway through the gesture louis was already scooping him in his arms.

 

'I hope they did call Police on him. I hope he’s in jail.’ Louis said vindictively holding Harry close with one hand around his waist and the second carding through his hair.

 

'No, Lou… I always hope that he got out. No matter what he did, he’s still… he’s still my people, there’s not so much of us. I can’t will myself into wishing that I’d throw him under the bus’ Harry said moving away a little and looking at Louis with soft eyes.

 

'No! You listen to me! You were a kid! You were a child and he should have never started anything with you! You were a kid and I hope he’s rotting in jail right now.’ Louis said fiercely his hand finding his way to Harry’s neck. His thumb caressing his cheek. 'I’m sorry. I shouldn’t even have asked’ he added quietly after few seconds of intense eye contact.

 

'It's fine.’ Harry said ducking his head 'I wanted you to know. I’m not really fond of talking about it, but I always want you to know’ he finished in a whisper.

 

Louis was still holding him, his finger touching his cheek in regular motion cold against Harry's heated skin, his other arm looked around Harry’s waist with blunt nails digging into his side. He would probably bruise after this, he always bruised like a peach. Louis rested his forehead against Harry’s and closed his eyes, exhaling shakily. Harry froze on the spot. He could feel Louis’ breath tingling at his lips and he had to dig his nails into the palm of his hand to stop himself from closing the distance between them. Harry stood still with his eyes wide open trying to savour every moment of this, to be able to remember every touch and every flash of emotion going through Louis face.

 

Suddenly there were footsteps to their left and they both jumped away. Louis fumbled with his pocket and took out two cigarettes, pushing one of them into Harry’s hands. It should have concerned Harry that Louis was so good in covering his tracks even though he wasn’t gay. Too much time spent around Harry, probably. 

 

Some guy showed up in Harry’s peripheral vision but didn’t even spare them a second glance before getting into his car and driving away. Harry smoked the cigarette with his heart beating rapidly in his chest. It was stupid to sit like that out here. What if someone saw them? Holding each other like that? Jesus, he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he got Louis hurt. Even just the thought was making him nauseous. Louis as always could feel his distress from miles away and he slipping his hand to Harry’s elbow, squeezing it lightly. 

 

'We’re fine Haz. I’m fine’ he whispered before taking his hand away and continuing smoking like nothing had happened. 

 

They finished their cigarettes without so much as another word to each other. There was nothing more to say. They moved to the motel room, finding Niall already asleep, and pretended to listen to Liam’s excited babbling. They methodically stripped out of their clothes and got under the covers, both laid on their left side with their bodies mirroring each other. Liam turned off the light and after a while they could hear his soft snores and Niall’s loud ones. Harry twitched and turn around, facing Louis on the bed next to him. The only thing he could see in the dark were Louis’ blue eyes drilling the hole into his skull. He felt himself held captive by them for a second, before snapping out of it and closing his eyes.  _ Not your boy _ , he reminded himself.  _ It’s never going to happen, _ he scolded himself in his head. Long after he closed his eyes, he could still feel Louis’ gaze on him. He turned his head a little away from Louis and hid his smile in the pillow. Whatever it was that didn’t let Louis look away, Harry wanted it to last forever.

 

'Wakey, wakey sleepyhead’ Louis whispered straight into Harry’s ear the next morning. All of them had woken up a few hours ago, but Harry was still sprawled on his bed like a very cute and curly octopus releasing  soft puffs of breath from his plump limps. Louis hated to wake him, but everyone was already ready to leave and they had a long drive ahead of them, planning to make it at least to Chicago. 

 

'Lou?’ Harry asked groggily opening his eyes and blinking few times, his lashes sweeping over his cheeks. Louis’ breath hitched. There was nothing more beautiful than sleepy Harry up close.

 

'Yeah baby. Liam and Niall are ready. I brought you breakfast, do you think you can eat on the road?’ he asked softly carding his hands through Harry’s hair.

 

Harry just nodded and suppressed the urge to lean into Louis’ touch.  _ Not your boy _ . He reminded himself again and with one quick smile he was on his feet moving towards the bathroom. He debated wanking of in order to save himself some embarrassment later - he knew there was absolutely no way for him to not get turned on by Louis at least once - but ultimately decided against it. He knew how thin these walls could be and he wasn’t sure if Louis was still waiting for him in the room. He quickly showered, dressed, packed and stepped outside to find all three boys standing around the car smoking cigarettes.

 

'There is our sleeping beauty’ Liam laughed slightly and tugged on one of Harry’s curls when the boy came close enough. Harry just rolled his eyes and extended his hand demandingly towards Louis in a silent plea for a cigarette.

 

'Did you eat your breakfast?’ Louis asked with raised eyebrow holding a cigarette hostage inches away from Harry’s palm.

 

'I’ll eat in the car like you said.’ Harry shrugged and Louis assessed him for a little more with narrow eyes before lowering cigarette to his hand. 

 

'Thank you boo’ Harry said, giving him a toothy grin. Louis smiled back and let the stub of his cigarette drop to the ground before stepping on it with the heel of his foot, putting it out. He then reached for harry's backpack and moved to put it in the trunk. He took out Harry's camera before that and handed it to him wordlessly.

 

'Thanks’ Harry whispered 'Do you mind waiting a few minutes? I wanted to call Grimmy and ask how are things back home’ he added then looking at other boys and motioning towards the payphone in the corner of the parking lot.

 

'Sure Mate' Niall answered clapping him on the shoulder.

 

Harry put the coin in the machine and dialed the number he knew by heart, but no one picked up. He sighed heavily but decided to call him again from the gas station somewhere on the road. 

 

'He’s not picking up’ he exclaimed when he came back to the car. ‘I'll try again later.’ he shrugged and opened the door for Liam to climb into the back seat. 

 

'I fucking hate that crap they always play in radios at this time’ Niall complained

 

'It’s not that bad’ Louis smiled upping the volume on the beach boys song that had just come on air.

 

“Oh come on! It’s restricted! There are so many great songs about sex and drugs and raw emotions and white picket fence America refuses to acknowledge them like it will somehow corrupt their kids.’ Niall rolled his eyes.

 

'Newsflash America, your kids are already corrupted’ Liam laughed jovially making crude blowjob gesture with his hand and his tongue and three other boys burst with laughter.

 

'It is what it is. If I was still living at home and people would find out? No one would let their kids hang out with me.’ Harry interjected.

 

‘Louis’ parents are cool with it!’ Liam noted, pleased with himself that he found a silver lining.

 

“No they're not’ Louis answered tightly. The memory still fresh in his mind. He picked Harry. He would always pick Harry. Just losing his parents over it wasn’t a particularly fond memory. But his mom said that he has to choose, because she can’t have him around girls if he’s hanging about known deviants. So be it. He hoped that his sisters would understand. He hoped that when they are old enough he will be able to find them and explain. Leaving them was the most difficult thing he ever had to do.

 

'What about your family?’ Niall asked looking at Harry, clearly not picking up on sudden change in the atmosphere.

 

'Fags don’t have families.’ Harry answered shortly.

 

'Shut up asshole.’ Louis snapped at him , his blue eyes shooting daggers into his skull 'I’m your family.’ he said forcefully, like the mere suggestion offended his existence.

 

'And I’m yours’ Harry said softly, watching Louis with loving gaze. God this trip was going to kill him. They have never been in each other’s company for so long. Yeah they were living together for few years now, but with both of their jobs, Harry going out to photograph or get laid and Louis sleeping over at his girlfriend’s, if they had one night a week to just sit at home and catch up while listening to music and drinking whiskey it was a miracle. 

 

Harry took out his camera and let the voices of the other boys wash over him. He was just trying to line up his shot when through his lens he saw someone standing in the side of the road. It was a boy with long raven hair wearing wide colorful trousers and a flowery shirt, both flapping widely in the wind. He was holding a small duffle bag on his arm and had a card that said 'California’ on it in neat writing with some doodles on the sides. 

 

'Hey. We're taking him on?’ Harry asked 'We could use more money for the gas’ he shrugged, looking at Louis carefully.

 

'Dude we should!’ Niall yelled 'He’s a hippie! They have the best pot!’ he exclaimed.

 

'Best what?’ Liam asked

 

'Marijuana dude! You’ve never smoked?’ he asked, shocked.

 

'No’ Liam answered tentatively. 

 

'Oh dude we’re so stopping! Come on Lou, we’ll smoke something up today. ‘ Niall said, excited and Louis didn’t have a heart to refuse. Besides they really could use more money for gas. 

 

They slowed down and stopped few meters in front of the guy. Niall stood up and waved him over, practically jumping on his seat.

 

'You need a ride?’ he asked in southern drawl and the rest of the boys looked at each other, dumbfounded. He sounded weird without his usual Irish accent.

 

'Yes brother' the guy answered with a little bow 'Are you peaceful travellers?’ he added then and it took all of Louis’ strength not to snort out loud.

 

'Sure doll, whatever you say, we’re driving to San Francisco’ he said again sounding like a Southern Bell. 'Hop in!’

 

'I’m Zayn' the guy said with a little wave. His moves were slow and languid, like he had all the time in the world. Completely relaxed.

 

'The driver is Louis, next to him is Harry, this is Liam and I’m Niall' Niall introduced everyone when Zayn was sitting between him and Liam in the back seat.

 

'So why are you driving to 'California'?’ Harry asked smiling at the new guy, his body turned all the way so he could look at everyone.

 

'My home is there brother. My family is there. A place where there is only peace and love.’ Zayn said cryptically with an easy smile.

 

'So not to be blunt, but do you have some weed?’ Niall asked directly and Liam gasped in shock.

 

'Jesus Niall you could have waited at least few minutes before shaking him down!’ he added, trying and failing to whisper at Niall since Zayn sat between them.

 

'No worries beautiful soul’ Zayn said placing a hand on Liam's knee. 'marijuana helps you relax, it's the gift from mother nature.’ he said opening his bag and showing them few bags of green substance.

 

'Awesome! Lou I know a place in Chicago where we can sleep’ Niall said leaning to Louis. 'It's an old campground few miles outside of the city. It’s a beautiful night, we can smoke up and just sleep in the car.’ he added with shining eyes.

 

'There’s five of us in the car mate, how comfortable will that be again?’ Louis asked skeptically.

 

'No worries brother. Mother earth will provide’ Zayn said putting a relaxing hand on Louis’ arm before leaning back and starting to roll weed. 

 

'I mean we can start smoking now right?’ Niall asked eyeing the stack of joints on Zayn’s knees.

 

'Don’t you dare! I’m driving so you’re waiting for me!’ Louis warned with a stern look to Niall through the rearview mirror.

 

'Everything good is worth waiting for my brother’ Zayn said soothingly, and despite the fact that Louis still thought that he sounded plain insane he had something calming about his presence. 

 

After few hours, they stopped to get something to eat at a diner somewhere in Ohio. There were only three people inside, so they sat in a booth at the far end of the place. A waiter with a pink uniform and red hair took their order and she was sending shy glances towards Harry every few seconds but Harry pretended to not notice them. Louis did though and it was pissing him of. 

 

'So what is your destination?’ Zayn asked after all of them grilled him about his colony, all deciding that place where there was nothing more than peace and love was way too good to be true. 

 

'We’re driving to Beach Boys concert’ Louis said motioning to him and Harry 'Liam is staying with us back home so he’s on vacation and Niall..’ Louis started looking at blonde boy who throughout the day kept up with his southern accent. It was slightly disturbing.

 

'I’m just looking for a place that would have me’ Niall shrugged and all of them were content to let that be an answer and move on but before any of them could say a word he jumped into his story 'I grew up in Texas. My daddy had a ranch. I always worked with horses. Horses… they get you, the way people just can’t. We were happy, not so much happening there, but it was my folks and I and our little piece of paradise.’ he sighed happily looking pensively in the distance, Louis, Harry and Liam looking at him like he completely lost his mind. It was definitely not the life story he told them just a day before.

 

'But then one day everything changed. My moma died, she fell from the horse and landed badly, the horse landed on top of her. Before my daddy realised that something was wrong because she wasn’t coming home and went looking for her she was already dead. Doctors said she probably hit her head. My old man? He was a good man, but it broke him. He started looking into the bottle more often, and he died soon after. But not before going so much in debt that the only solution I had was to sell the ranch and pay everyone off. After that it was too painful to stay’ he finished with teary eyes and apparently didn’t see anything wrong with the fact that he either just outright lied to Zayn’s face or did that the day before to the rest of the boys. 

 

'You’ll find your place on earth, brother’ Zayn said quietly holding Niall's head in his hands 'Our mother always provides for her children’ 

 

Other boys were simply too stunned to say a word so they just ate in silence. Niall finally slipping out of his melancholic state when he notice a jukebox on the other side of the diner and skipped there excited with pockets full of coins. 

 

They didn't waste much time there, all of them wanting to check out the place in Chicago Niall told them about and still have enough time to find a motel if the place turned out to be a bust or if Niall couldn’t remember where it was. 

 

Zayn spend the rest of the drive preaching about love and equality and even though Harry had to admit that his choice of words sounded pretentious, he did have a knack for painting a pretty picture. Or maybe it was just Harry’s own desires jumping onto any idea of the world being a place where he could be himself. Everywhere, not just behind closed doors. God some of Liam’s youthful enthusiasm must have rubbed off on him. 

 

Finally Niall said that he recognised the area and started to direct Louis. The longer they drove, the more trees were surrounding them and finally the gravel stopped altogether, opening up to the forest glade with a little shed and a few places to set a fire.

 

'Ha! Told you I know a place!’ Niall grinned triumphantly.

 

“Shit this is awesome Niall!’ Harry exclaimed, looking around and snapping pictures. 

 

'Well let's see what’s inside first. I want to make sure we’re alone out here’ Louis said, killing the engine and stepping out of the car. 'Muscles, come with me.’ he beckoned Liam over and both of them stepped into the shed. 

 

There was not much to look through, as the shed was really small with barely anything inside. There were some saddles along the wall and few horseshoes hanging on the walls that signaled that at least once upon the time someone had used it. Other than that there was some wood in the corner and nothing more.

 

'Yeah it’s clear guys!’ Louis said stepping out. 'There’s wood in there. We could make a fire’ 

 

Everyone quickly agreed but it soon became obvious that not one of them knew how to light a fire.

 

'God you're all pathetic' Liam rolled his eyes fondly, crouching down next to the sad excuse of a fireplace other boys managed to produce and starting to rearrange it. After that he rummaged through the glove compartment in the car and found an old paper. He balled a few pages together and lit them up, shoving it in the middle of his construction. After few minutes, the wood caught on and long stripes of the fire were illuminating all of their faces sitting in the circle around the fire. Harry once again took out his camera and snapped a picture of Louis with flames in the background. There was some sad metaphor in that one, probably. 

 

He moved to hide his camera in the car, afraid that he would break it when they got high and when he came back he sat next to Louis, leaning against the shed’s wall. He didn’t even realise that the sun was long gone and now the only source of light was the fire. When he was small he used to go camping a lot with his family, hell with Louis too. He smiled softly at the memory but shivered with the cold. 

 

'Come here’ Louis said with a smile lifting up the corner of his blanket. Thankfully, they prepared for the possibility of sleeping in the car. They had some sleeping bags in the trunk too. But maybe instead of going for one of those and covering himself he could just slip under the blanket with Louis. Maybe he could tuck his head into the crook of Louis neck and maybe Louis would hold him by the waist and kiss his head. Maybe they could both pretend like it was the only option to stay warm. 

 

When his cold hands made contact with Louis’ warm body both of them let out a groan.

 

'Do you fucking want to get a cold?’ Louis snapped fussing over Harry and tucking him in from all sides and squeezing him tightly.

 

“I'm fine Lou’ Harry said hiding his smile in Louis’ chest.

 

'You think I can’t feel you smiling? Please Harold, I know everything’ he scoffed, bringing Harry’s hand to his mouth and blowing warm air on it. 

 

_ God I hope you don’t. _ Harry thought amusedly. 

 

It was so easy to forget the world here. Sitting just the five of them, three other boys seemingly strangers but all of them presenting more understanding than Harry’s own parents. He could hug his best friend, he could even look like a love sick puppy while doing so, because no one was judging him here. He couldn't even remember the last time him and Louis were so free with their affections in some place other than their apartment. Probably when they were still back in their home town and were around five years old. That’s a long time to wait to touch someone. It was waking something in Harry that he thought he had put to rest a long time ago. Some urge to fight. Because some stupid miniscule part of his brain was fooling him into believing that he had something to fight for. 

 

Was it possible to get high by just being in the close proximity of marijuana?

 

Speaking of which, Zayn was just passing around joints and lit himself up, Louis, Harry and Niall following his example quickly. Liam on the other hand just eyed it skeptically.

 

'Here’ Zayn said scooting closer to him and handing him his already lit up joint. 'You just suck on it like a cigarette. But hold the smoke in your lungs longer. And then let go when you run out of breath’ he instructed, watching as Liam carefully brought it to his lips and sucked on the tip. After a second he started to cough.

 

'Man some would have thought that you would be great at sucking things’ Niall snickered loudly throwing his head back with giggles.

 

'Well I never actually sucked anything so I guess I just need more practise’ Liam shot back, clapping himself on his chest, still coughing violently. 

 

'Come here’ Zayn said and took a hit of a joint before he brought his hands to Liam’s neck and joined their lips, parting his own and exhaling smoke in Liam's mouth. When they parted Liam was blushing and Harry and Louis were still looking at Zayn shocked. 

 

'That is an interesting new development’ Louis whispered conspiratorially to Harry who only burst out with laughter and quickly moved his hand over his mouth to deny the sound he just made.

 

'Everyone is gay’ Harry sing songed happily, starting to sway a little to the beat that only he could hear. 

 

Louis lay down on the ground with his head pressed to Harry's thigh and looked up to him. It was a weird angle. Harry’s face looked like someone he knew but couldn’t quite place. He was just a boy. Just a stranger. And maybe it would he easier like that. Maybe all he wanted was for Harry to be just a boy. For both of them to be just boys. 

 

God, marijuana was good.

 

Other boys were sitting around them and after the initial phase of giggles they moved to contemplating the meaning of life. 

 

'You just need to make a decision. A decision to not live that life again. You move on and you cut out everything that triggers negative emotions. It can be done. It should be done’ Zayn was saying, laying next to Liam and sucking thoughtfully on a joint.

 

'I did that. I cut it out. Doesn’t mean that I’m not angry anymore' Liam mumbled 'Don’t think I’d be able to say peace and love if I saw my dad right now’ he added with lopsided smile. It looked almost cruel.

 

'And you shouldn’t. He doesn’t deserve peace nor love’ Harry snapped angrily, looking Zayn up and down, daring him to say a word. 

 

'Everyone does’ Zayn says with patience, looking at Harry with something that resembled pity. 'He lost his son.’ he added quietly.

 

'And whose fucking fault was that? He didn’t lose him! He beat him and called him names, and he’s the one to blame for it. I have no fucking patience for your peace and love bullshit, you abuser apologist’ Harry spit, standing up and moving towards the car. 

 

It was quiet here. He could still feel a tingling in his limbs, his head still a little cloudy as the marijuana hadn’t had enough time to wear off. He leaned back in the front seat, putting his legs over the car door and lighting up a cigarette, trying to catch the remnants of his high. He noticed Zayn moving towards him from from a mile away but didn’t do anything to acknowledge his presence. 

 

'I’m not saying this to make it easier for his father. I’m saying this to make it easier for Liam’ Zayn said quietly, sitting behind the wheel and facing Harry. His black eyes were shining in the moonlight. Open. Inviting.  

 

'What the fuck do you even know? You’ve barely met him! You heard the story, what? Two hours ago? You have no idea what he’s been through!’ 

 

'Maybe not, but brother, do you want him to end up like you?’ Zayn asked quietly and before Harry could even comprehend how to react to that, he continued. 'You’re so angry. That’s the first thing I noticed about you. And I don’t know if it’s because of the fact that you’re gay and it can’t be easy, or if you have your own issues with parents or because you're in love with Louis but you can’t have him. Maybe all three combined. But whatever it is, you should let it go. Because the only person it actually is hurting, is you.’

 

'Wow thank you for that deep insight’ Harry snarled unkindly. 'I’m cured now! Why haven’t I thought of that before? Wow! Just let go! You said it and just like that it’s done’ Harry mocked, throwing his hands up.

 

'It’s not supposed to be easy. But you should still try. Because it’s worth it in a long run.’ Zayn said with his tone of voice still leveled.

 

'God nothing fazes you, does it?’ he asked irritated. 'I am angry, because I had things taken away from me. I had my family, my friends, my fucking college fund, my future, my freedom, my love, my safety - all of it- taken away from me. And I won’t forgive the people who did it. I won’t forget it. Because forgetting would mean that it wasn’t important enough to remember. I won't make it easier for them to ignore this.’ Harry hissed, feeling some emotions reawakening inside of him from his early teenage years.

 

'Then don’t forget. You should still forgive.’ Zayn said, and with a small smile he stepped out of the car. 'Let’s go back. Louis bet Niall 5 dollars that he won’t be able to catch ten chips in the row with his mouth.’ he giggled.

 

Harry assessed him for a minute, seriously thinking about just staying in the car and being pissed for the rest of the evening. But Zayn wasn’t at fault here. No matter how misguided his opinions were, he had never wronged Harry, and there was something about this night. Being here in the middle of nowhere. It was the closest Harry ever had come to heaven. And it wasn’t worth it to ruin that feeling over a disagreement. It wasn’t worth letting Them win. Because They wanted Harry unhappy or, even better, dead. He should live just to spite them. So he stood up and ignored Zayn’s knowing smirk with his head raised high.

 

'Let's just not talk philosophy from now on, okay?’ Zayn asked, nudging Harry with his shoulder. 'I have a joint with our name on it?’ he asked again when he didn’t get any response from the other boy.

 

'Uh, fine!’ Harry rolled his eyes trying, and failing, not to break into a smile.

 

'Hazza!’ Louis yelled running towards them and jumping into Harry’s arms like he did it every day. Harry on instinct hooked his hands under his knees and leaned back a bit to balance. 'The stars are winking at me!’ Louis whispered into Harry's ear and giggled, his breath tickling Harry’s skin.

 

'They’re hitting on you?!’ Harry asked in mock outrage, indulging his best friend.

 

'Yes!’ Louis yelled excitedly clapping his hand together. 

 

Harry looked at him fondly, emotions swirling in his stomach. He could barely feel his legs getting tired or his arms cramping under Louis’ weight - all he could see was this blue eyed boy who was everything Harry had ever wanted. Louis smiled at him and tilted his head to the side, assessing Harry with a smirk and a mischievous glint in his eyes. He reached out and tugged on Harry's curls before bringing his hand down and poking his cheek where his dimple was supposed to be.

 

'You’re pretty.’ he sighed then before putting his head on Harry’s arm. 'M sleepy’ he added tiredly. Harry ignored the way his heart was hammering in his chest. Well, mostly.

 

'Come on, little one.’ he said, choked up, as he moved towards the other boys. Carefully dropping to his knees, he sat down and untangled Louis from his arms before placing him on the ground with his head in Harry’s lap. Zayn handed him a joint with understanding smile and Harry didn’t waste a second before lighting it up, needing to be far less sober for this.

 

'Oh! Give me a hit!’ Louis yelled, his eyes snapping open as he sniffed the smoke Harry was releasing. He handed him the joint wordlessly. 

 

'I can see your nose hair!’ Louis laughed gleefully, overjoyed with this perspective and trying to put his finger into Harry’s nose.

 

'Gross, Louis’ Harry giggled and snatched the joint back from Louis’ fingers.

 

'Not possible.’ Louis sing songed 'You could never be gross.’ he added after with a satisfied smile.

 

Harry inhaled three times deeply, keeping the smoke in his lungs for as long as he could and when he passed the joint to Louis he finally felt it. It was like someone had hit him in the head, not hard enough to hurt but enough to feel ringing in his ears. 

 

'Yeah.’ he exhaled dreamily and looked up at the sky. 'Do you think someone lives there?’ he asked. The few times he had smoked marijuana he had learned that he was extremely chatty once the high really kicked in. 

 

'It's not always dark in space’ Louis said nodding knowingly like that was exactly the topic of the conversation.

 

'Yeah star dust is shining’ Harry agreed, not bothered in the slightest that half of the conversation was happening in both of their heads.

 

For a few more hours they sat in the same exact position, smoking the joints Zayn handed them in a regular interval and talking about space, sound, oceans, and hundreds of different subjects that seemingly didn’t have anything in common. The rest of the boys ceased to exist, and the fire did too. This whole forest disappeared in the thin air, and with their families hundreds of miles from them it was as if they had never been  there in the first place. It was just him, him and the moon. And for Harry it could stay like that forever. Louis could be enough. They could be enough.

 

Waking up the next morning was a bitch. Harry opened his eyes to find sun shining through the leaves. It was beautiful but it also hurt his eyes. He was torn for a second between closing his eyes again and falling asleep or moving to get his camera from the car. Finally the photographer in him won and he scrambled quietly to Louis to look for the car keys. He carefully took them out of Louis’ pocket trying to ignore the blush that was creeping up on his cheeks at the sight of Louis’ obvious erection. It was nothing. Guys get a boner in the morning naturally. It was hardly anything. In their sleep Harry pressed against him wasn’t a boy, he was just a warm body. Physical reaction. It happens.

 

He took his camera and laid back on the grass next to Louis trying to line up a perfect shot of the sun coming through the trees. He took two pictures of leaves not wanting to waste film and looked at the other boys. Niall, Zayn, and Liam were laying on the other side of the fire, all three of them tangled together. Harry smirked. That must have been a great night for Liam. 

 

He looked at Louis and his breath hitched in his throat. He was laying sprawled on the grass the blanket somewhere around his knees - they had given their sleeping bags to other boys. His shirt had fallen out of his trousers, exposing the silver of skin on his waist. His thighs were hugged rather nicely by the black fabric. On his head he was wearing a flower crown, now after the night a little askew. Harry had a vague memory of Niall making it and putting it on Louis head. Niall, Liam and Zayn had laughed about it for hours, though Harry and Louis hadn’t, too enthralled in their own little bubble. Harry pointed his camera towards Louis, debating whether it was crossing a boundary to take pictures of him while he was sleeping. He looked at the other boy through his lens and as Louis scrunched his nose in his sleep lightly, Harry pressed the button without another thought. It was too beautiful not to capture. And he could always just destroy the photo if Louis asked him. Or he could just keep it. Hidden under his mattress for lousy jerk off material. He had options. 

 

He went back to the car and took out the food that they so thoughtfully bought the day before. Thankfully no one had remembered that it was hidden in the car, otherwise they would have eaten it all after getting high. He looked at his watch and decided to let them sleep for a while, but apparently boys had other plans because as soon as Harry unwrapped food, all of them started to wake up. 

 

'It’s not even noon yet’ Harry said, quietly looking to Niall who opened his eyes first 'You can sleep some more if you want’ 

 

'Nah man, Louis hit a jackpot with the nickname for this one’ Niall said sitting up, his weird southern accent from the day before suddenly gone. 'Muscles. Looks great but isn’t exactly comfortable to sleep on’ he laughed poking Liam’s abs. 

 

'Well no one asked you to lay on top of me’ Liam said smirking.

 

'And leave no space for the rest of us’ Zayn said with a smirk.

 

Niall just shrugged like claiming male bodies as his personal sleeping bags was something he did on daily basis. Who knew, maybe he did. They certainly didn’t know anything concrete about the boy.

 

'Oh what are we eating?’ he asked excitedly skipping to Harry’s side.

 

Scratch that. They did know he loved food.

 

The ruckus of Niall opening every container he could find and his happy exclamations each time he found something spicy woke Louis up. He crawled to Harry's side with a miserable face and planted himself face first into Harry’s lap. Which, might not have been a best idea if he didn’t want Harry to have a heart attack. 

 

'Babe, I saved some coffee for you in a thermos.’ Harry said, carding his fingers through Louis’ hair

 

'Hey! Why does he get coffee and we don’t?’ Niall exclaimed, deadly offended.

 

'Because he is the one that's going to be driving for the next seven hours all the way to Omaha?’ Harry asked, his raised eyebrow daring them all to say a word.

 

'You’re an angel’ Louis mumbled, raising himself a little and making grabby hands in Harry’s direction. 

 

The ate breakfast, made sure that the fire was out and when Louis decided that he felt good enough to drive, they packed. After Niall navigated them through the woods and back onto the road, they sped up to get to Omaha. 

 

'Why the fuck are we even stopping in Omaha?’ Niall asked, annoyed. ‘There’s absolutely nothing to do there.’ he complained.

 

'Well first of all we're not stopping in Omaha, we’re stopping somewhere there - wherever we find a cheap motel to sleep in. And the next stop would be Salt Lake City, which is way too far for me to be driving all the way.’ Louis said, eyeing Niall with amusement. He was acting like a five year old boy. It was cute.

 

'And how do you even know there’s nothing to do in Omaha?’ Harry asked rolling his eyes

 

'I lived there.’ Niall shrugged 'It’s dead after dark. Absolutely nothing to do.’ 

 

'What the fuck were you doing in Omaha?’ Liam asked with huge eyes.

 

'That's where I went after I escaped from Utah.’ Niall shrugged.

 

'What the fuck are you even talking about? What the fuck’s in Utah?’ Louis asked in confusion. 

 

'Except for Mormons.’ Harry added.

 

'Nothing. My mormon dad and my mormon mother thought they could reprogramme me to not want sex, alcohol, and everything that’s fun. Tough luck. They did try though. So I just moved on.’ Niall snapped and four other boys again looked at each other in confusion.

 

'But you…’ Harry started.

 

'You said…’ Liam second him with the same 'what the fuck' look evident on his face.

 

'I don’t want to talk about it, okay?’ Niall sighed, as if he wasn’t the one that had been acting fishy, to put it mildly. Louis opened his mouth to protest but Zayn put his hand on his arm and squeezed it lightly.

 

‘There are more ways to the truth than just one’ he said in mysterious tone.

 

'What the fuck does that even mean?’ Harry asked incredulously, looking to Louis for some support as to how ridiculous this whole thing was. The second their eyes met, they both burst out with laughter, loudly and unapologetically. Harry doubled over himself and slapped his knee in ecstasy. Louis’ eyes were watering with his efforts to keep himself in check considering he was the driver.

 

It didn't take too much for the other boys to join them, and Harry decided to let Niall keep his secrets. It didn't actually matter. He was fun to be around. He could have been Niall from Ireland, Austin from Texas, or Jeremiah from Utah, or even all three of them at once or neither for all Harry cared. After all, everyone had their secrets.

 

'Well if Omaha is dead we can still buy some whiskey, on me, and have a party with just the five of us’ Louis smiled.

 

'Well that is actually a very good idea’ Niall smirked wrapping his arms around Louis’ neck and kissing him on the cheek. 'Especially since you’re paying’ he added then, with self satisfied smile.

 

'No he’s not.’ Harry protested. 'We’re all splitting it.’ he said sternly, looking to other boys with warning. 'Lou, you don’t have money to throw around’ Harry said then, looking at Louis.

 

'Oh come on. I’m a starving artist. I should be reckless and spend all my money on alcohol! Even when I don’t have it.’ Louis teased, smiling at Harry.

 

'That’s Hemingway, Lou. And he was a lousy writer, remember? You’re a way better writer than Hemingway.’ 

 

'He was a miserable cunt. That’s not much of a compliment.’ Louis said with a stern jaw. Nothing sparked as much of a literary rage in him as Hemingway did.

 

'He blew his brains out a few years ago, right?’ Liam asked with thoughtful expression, like his memory of hearing this in the news was hazy.

 

'Sometimes I forget that you’re barely legal’ Louis noted, amused.

 

'Fuck off. I’m mature beyond my age’ Liam shot back with a smile.

 

'Spoken like a true jailbait.’ Niall snickered. 

 

The rest of the ride went by in the same manner of teasing and all boys felt mildly confused when suddenly they arrived at Omaha, not knowing where the past 7 hours had gone. They drove around until finally they spotted a motel that was open. Louis and Harry went inside to inquire about a room. 

 

A lady behind the desk was smoking a cigarette with a bored expression on her face. Her hair was red and constructed in a pyramid on top of her head that could only have been achieved with an outrageous amount of hairspray. 

 

'Hello. We would like a room for five people, please’ Louis said, smiling politely.

 

'Only one with four beds left’ she said, not even sparing them a glance.

 

'Oh. Okay, do you maybe know of any other motels in town?’ Harry interjected.

 

'Few hotels, nothing in this price range though’ she informed them.

 

Louis and Harry looked at each other and they both shrugged.

 

'Fine, we’ll take that room please.’ 

 

They paid for the night, took the key, and went outside to collect the others and their luggage. 

 

'There’s not enough beds. I’ll just sleep on the floor.’ Louis informed them, opening the trunk and taking out his backpack and sleeping bags.

 

'That’s ridiculous Lou, I’ll sleep on the floor - you’re driving again tomorrow!’ Harry said.

 

'No you’re not. You have a bad back remember? Two times in a row on the floor? Not happening. I’ll be fine.’ Louis said with finality.

 

Other boys just looked the other way with innocent stares, no one wanting to give up their bed after last night.

 

'Cheers guys, you’re really helpful!’ Harry said sarcastically and followed Louis to the room.

 

Soon after, they were sitting on the floor, a few bottles of whiskey opened between them and smoke swirling in the air. Niall was playing with the radio, looking for a station that would suit his taste. 

 

'Let’s play a game!’ he said then, after he finally decided on something that was playing Rolling Stones. 'Never Have I Ever! You heard of it?’ 

 

'No?’ all of them answered.

 

'Well the rules are, everyone in the circle says Never Have I Ever followed by a statement of a thing they did and everyone who’s done it too must take a drink. Like I would say 'Never have I ever drank whiskey’’’ Niall smiled and took a big gulp of whiskey.

 

'And what’s the point of the game?’ Harry asked amusedly.

 

'To learn all your darkest deepest secrets’ Niall smiled widely. His grin was a little manic. 

 

'What the hell, let’s play’ Louis shrugged, and so did the other boys after him. 

 

'Okay, I’ll start!’ Niall volunteered and everyone sat a little straighter. 'Never have I ever slept with a girl’ he grinned and everyone except Liam and Harry took a sip. 'Seriously?’ he asked looking at Harry. 'You never slept with a girl?’ 

 

'I’m gay remember?’ Harry laughed 

 

'Well yeah but you must have tried it with a girl at one point!’ Niall claimed shocked.

 

'Never. I always knew I didn’t like girls.’ Harry shrugged.

 

'Really? So you guys really know it all along? Like you wake up when you’re a teenager and realise 'Huh, I want to be gay when I grow up’?’

 

'I know few guys that were sleeping with girls when they were younger. A lot of them claimed they liked it, but I never did’ 

 

'Me neither’ Liam said 'My girlfriend tried to give me blowjob once and my dick stopped working the second she took her top off.’ he added with a small giggle.

 

'What happened with her?’ Louis asked quietly 'Did you tell her you’re going away?’ 

 

'Nah’ Liam admitted blushing lightly. 'I left her a letter. She was a great girl. On the way to yours I went by her house. Left the letter in the mail. Figured I owed her that much. For her to know the truth. Not like my parents are going to go around boasting about their fag son’ he added bitterly.

 

'It had to be done, Liam' Zayn said quietly. 'She should know. Now she can find someone who will adore her. Someone who will appreciate her mind and her body. You did the right thing.’ he smiled reassuringly.

 

'Yeah, hate to break this whole sharing circle, but we're playing a game here?’ Niall asked impatiently. 'Don’t worry your head, kid, not about things you couldn’t possibly change’ he added, winking at Liam.

 

'Okay I’m next’ Harry said from beside Liam. 'Never have I ever kissed a boy' he smirked towards Liam and raised his bottle in the air 'Up top kiddo’

 

To their surprise the only person who didn't drink was Louis. All of them saw Zayn shotgunning with Liam the night before so no one was too surprised by that, but all of them looked at Niall with huge eyes.

 

'What? I tried it once, the guy said it's a life changing experience, figured what the hell. But it wasn't anything special to be honest’ Niall shrugged.

 

'You’re a crazy motherfucker’ Louis laughed. 'Never have I ever had anal sex’ he grinned 

 

'Giving or receiving?’ Harry asked teasingly.

 

'Well both.. or either, so you should probably drink twice’ Louis shot right back. The only people drinking were Harry and Louis. 

 

'Lou?’ Harry asked over hammering in his chest.

 

'Well no one said it had to be with a guy!’ Louis said defensively. 'One girl I was with was really into it.’ he shrugged, his ears tinting red a little. 

 

'Who?’ Harry demanded.

 

'Maggie.’ 

 

'Church going, perfect daughter of a preacher man Maggie?’ Harry asked to clarity.

 

'If only her daddy knew’ Louis smirked.

 

'Jesus Christ Tomlinson’ Harry sighed sudden visuals flooding his brain, his clouded from whiskey mind only able to block about half of them. 

 

The game went on and around the time when bottles were finished it turned out that Louis was either the most debauched one or the most lightweight one because he was slurring and couldn’t even walk straight. 

 

'Okay babe, come on. Bed now’ Harry said picking him up from the floor.

 

'Hm’ Louis mumbled, clutching Harry tightly. Other boys undressed themselves and jumped into their respective beds. After Harry untangled Louis from himself, he took off his belt and undid a few buttons of his shirt. He tucked him in and started to make his bed on the floor using spare blankets and sleeping bags.

 

'Hazza,’ Louis whispered. 'No floor. Your back’ he moaned, moving to stand up.

 

'I’ll be fine, come on. You’re drunk and you’re driving tomorrow, just sleep love’ Harry soothed, quickly moving to him and caressing his head.

 

'Oh just come here.’ Louis said with grabby hands.

 

'What?’ Harry choked out.

 

'Sleep together. Better than floor.’ he slurred then, sitting up and wrestling with his shirt. 'Help?’ he asked with big innocent eyes and his bottom lip between his teeth. Damn him. Damn him to hell. 

 

'Yeah, sure’ Harry breathed, trying to calm himself. He helped him out of his clothes and lost his own too, slipping into the bed with another blanket for himself.

 

'No. Cold.’ Louis grumbled, annoyed as he tore the blanket from Harry’s arms. Finally, Harry let go and Louis threw it on the floor, lifting the hem of his blanket and draping it over them both. He lay his head on Harry’s chest, his hand sneaking around his waist, holding him closer than necessary, his leg sliding between Harry’s. 

 

'Goodnight honey’ he said then, followed by a kiss to Harry’s collarbone and a satisfied sigh.

 

Harry felt like his mind was underwater and after few minutes he put his hand on the dip of Louis’ waist, holding him close and placing his other hand on on Louis’ arm. He could feel every nerve ending in his body tingling and he was painfully aware of how close Louis’ perfect thigh was from his crotch. He didn’t think breathing was possible in his current predicament, not to mention sleeping. 

 

He let out heavy breath, painfully aware of Louis pushing closer in his sleep. Finally after what felt like years he decided to just let himself have this. Just this one little thing that he would be able to remember during his best man’s speech at Louis’ future wedding, the one night Louis was his. He could remember this then, and pretend that it was enough. It didn't take long for him to fall asleep after that. 

 

He woke up with someone hot and hard plastered all over his back. In his sleepy haze he didn’t register who he had fallen asleep with the night before and he instinctively began grinding lightly at the dick pressed right against his ass. Hands on his waist squeezed him harder and he could feel a delicious movement from behind him.But then they both stopped, suddenly remembering who was in the bed with them.

 

'Shit sorry!’ Harry exclaimed. He quickly stood up, his face the darkest shade of pink. 

 

'Fuck no, I’m sorry’ Louis said, quickly wiping his hands over his face and shaking his head like he was trying to shake off the remnants of sleep. 

 

'I didn’t mean to… I’m- Don’t… ‘ Harry stammered over his words, now painfully aware that standing up gave Louis a perfect view of his own situation. 'Shit,’ he exclaimed again, covering his crotch the best he could with his hands.

 

'Haz, it’s fine’ Louis said, a little amused. 'I was the one poking you all night, I would feel offended if it didn't turn you on’ he joked a little.

 

'If you guys were doing some poking in the middle of the night you should have woken me up.’ Liam grumbled from his bed next to them. 'You have a nice perky little bum, Harry’ he noted then, cracking one eye open.

 

It’s safe to say that that morning was one of the most uncomfortable experiences of Harry’s life. He could barely look Louis in the eye after showering, having shamelessly jerked off to the memories. He had known this road trip was going to kill him. He just didn’t know it would happen so soon. Niall and Liam were cracking jokes about boners all through breakfast and the first two hours of the ride. Louis and Harry barely looked each other in the eye until finally Zayn took pity on them.

 

'So, what are we doing in Salt Lake City?’ he asked, looking at all of them.

 

'We should go out. Maybe not in Salt Lake because the fuck If I know what you can do in fucking Salt Lake City of all places but maybe we could swing by Vegas.’ Liam said, his eyes lighting up at the thought.

 

'So you can gamble away the last two bucks you have?’ Harry teased.

 

'Or double them.’ Liam shot back confidently.

 

'I know a guy who owns a pub in Salt Lake,’ Niall interjected leisurely.

 

'Of course you do!’ Louis said, no longer surprised by Niall’s excessive connections.

 

'I'm definitely not saying no to Vegas, but we can go out in Salt Lake too.’ He said, shrugging. 'I wouldn't mind getting laid’ he added with the same neutral tone of voice.

 

'Vegas is a little out of our way but you might be onto something with Salt Lake.’ Louis smirked and Harry kept his eyes on the horizon, willing his features to remain natural. Louis wanted to get laid. 

 

'I wouldn't mind meeting someone.' Zayn said with blissful smile.

 

'Salt Lake pub it is then!’ Niall agreed. No one noticed Liam and Harry not saying a word.

 

Well it was fine, it’s not like Liam and Harry would have any chance of getting laid until Castro. Maybe in Vegas there would be some queer pubs, but it’s not like Harry knew anyone that he could ask. And it would take a miracle to actually stumble upon one, so there was no point in trying to convince other guys to drive there. Castro was famous, Greenwich Village too. He had heard about few places here and there but nothing even remotely close by. And even if he did manage to meet one fag hiding out in Salt Lake City of all places, he wouldn’t risk it there. Not with some stranger who could be anyone. It wasn’t worth it in a long run. So there was no reason for Harry to be annoyed at the prospect of Louis fucking some girl. Louis had sex with girls. Harry knew that. Harry had heard him plenty of times through the wall. He just needed to make it to San Francisco and he would have a little time before the concert and before they needed to go home, so he can fuck his way through Castro then. It was just a few days away. Depending on whether or not they decided to go to Vegas after all. 

 

It was the longest drive so far. After almost fourteen hours they finally arrived in the city and checked into a motel.

 

'I’m so fucking tired’ Louis moaned, throwing himself face first on the bed.

 

'Loulou’ Harry sing songed straight into his ear. 'Salt Lake pub is waiting’ 

 

'It’s not so far from here man, we’re lucky.’ Niall added.

 

'Fine just let me shower because I fucking stink. No girl will have me like that’ he sighed and went inside the bathroom. Harry thought he could lick every inch of his skin like that. Even though he was an idiot for thinking this, he was at least lucid enough not to say it out loud. Good job Harry! 

 

'Man, I’m so happy you’re here with me’ Liam sighed when they were on their way to the pub.

 

'Why is that?’ Harry asked preoccupied with ogling how Louis’ ass looked in those pants. God, he was a perv.

 

'They’re going to go around picking up chicks and I would be stuck alone.’ Liam said pouting.

 

'Yeah I know what you mean.’ Harry sighed, tearing his eyes away from Louis. 

 

When they stepped inside the pub, loud music and the smell of sweat and cigarettes attacked them from all sides, but after three days in exclusively each other’s company it was good to be around other people. 

 

'As I live and breathe!’ they heard from behind them and saw tall brunette standing right beside them with wide smile on his face and his arms stretched out in welcome.

 

'Greg!’ Niall exclaimed, hugging the stranger tightly. 'So good to see you my brother’ he said switching to something that probably was supposed to be a New York accent. 'These are my friends: Louis, Harry, Liam and Zayn meet Greg - the owner of this fine establishment’ he smirked.

 

After quick introductions Greg provided them a booth and the first round of drinks on the house. He soon left, due to the bar being busy, but not before he made Niall promise to stay after closing to catch up. 

 

It didn't take them long to invite four ladies to their booth. From what Harry could gather they all worked together at the Postal office or as switchboard operators or whatever. To be honest, Harry really wasn’t listening. His attention was kind of torn between entertaining Liam who was trying his hardest to ditch one of the girls that was coming onto him and observing Louis who on the other hand was doing nothing to ditch the girl he had basically already in his lap. 

 

'Wow do you work out…’ he heard the girl saying to Liam as Louis’ companion giggled into his neck.

 

He snapped his head and interrupted her angrily, snapping 'Look I’m sure you’re a nice girl but he’s underage so not gonna happen.’

 

'Oh’ the girl’s mouth made a perfect o. 'Sorry,’ she said sheepishly, mumbling something about getting drinks before she went away. If only it was that easy with the rest of them.

 

'Thanks’ Liam mumbled under his breath to make sure no one else would hear them. Not that they were listening, too preoccupied with weird straight mating rituals.

 

'Anytime kid’ Harry smiled and downed his drink.

 

'Hey, do you want to just go back? There’s nothing for us here.’ Liam said moving closer to Harry. 'And this level of heteros is making me dizzy’ he added in a whisper.

 

'You know what? That’s actually a great idea’ Harry smiled. Yeah, he should be getting out of there as fast as he fucking could. Before he would see him kissing her. 

 

'Hey guys, we’re gonna head back. Liam’s not feeling well.’ Harry announced to the table.

 

'Oh you want me to go with you?’ Louis asked, concern tinting his features.

 

'No, you guys have fun.’ Harry gritted through his teeth, doing his best to sound completely neutral.

 

'Don’t wait up for us boys!’ Niall laughed jovially and planted a kiss to girl’s cheek to which she giggled and wrapped her hands around his neck. 

 

Liam and Harry went outside and both sighed with relief when first hit of fresh air filled their lungs.

 

'God, so that was mildly terrifying.’ Liam noted after a while.

 

'Yeah, straight pubs, wouldn't recommend.’ Harry smirked.

 

'It’s just. God dude, I’m so fucking horny’ Liam said laughing at himself a little. 'In chicago Zayn was shotgunning with me all the time and then him and Niall both were sleeping all over me and fuck, there are too many hot guys I can’t fuck around’ he added ducking his head embarrassed.

 

'Tell me about it.' Harry snorted 'I slept in one single bed with Louis last night. That’s traumatizing.’ 

 

'Shit I bet.’ Liam nodded. 'I know we’ll get to Castro eventually and then it will be us getting laid and them feeling uncomfortable but … I don’t think I want my first time with some stranger.’ he admitted quietly, like he was embarrassed of the sentiment. 'But I do want to have sex. Like … now. Just want to get the first one out of the way.’ He added breathily.

 

‘You’re right. Don’t just do it with some random guy. Random guys don’t always care how you feel. You should wait for someone who cares about you.’ Harry said, opening the door to their room.

 

‘Yeah, but… that’s kind of the thing.’ Liam said, carefully closing the door and turning the lock. Harry looked at him curiously. 'I kind of don’t want to wait’ Liam added then, leaning against the door with a sly smile.

 

'You mean….?’ Harry asked his eyes roaming over Liam’s face, trying to find any sign of discomfort or doubt. There was none.

 

'Why not? We’re both single. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. I’m not like in love with you.’ Liam laughed slowly stepping closer to Harry. 'But you are really really pretty,’ he murmured catching Harry by his belt loops. 'And we’re both horny as fuck. And I want you.’ he said stepping into Harry’s space, his body pressed against the older boy. 'Just for tonight.’ he added with a questioning gaze.

 

'It won’t be weird afterwards?’ Harry asked breathlessly, tentatively reaching out to hold Liam by his waist, struggling to concentrate while Liam was kissing his neck.

 

'We’re gay. If someone knows how to have casual sex, it’s us.’ Liam laughed and sucked into Harry’s neck. 

 

'Fuck.’ Harry sighed in defeat and flipped them over, kissing him.

 

Forty minutes later they were laying on the bed on their backs both sweaty and out of breath.

 

'That was awesome dude’ Liam whispered.

 

'Yeah.’ Harry agreed. 'You wanna try it other way around?’ he added as an afterthought.

 

Liam in his lap was all the answer he got.

 

The next morning, Harry woke up in his own bed and when he opened his eyes he found all the boys in the room asleep. He and Liam had enough reason even after two rounds of really good sex to put on some clothes and go to sleep in their respective beds. No matter how tolerant their friends were, they would rather not give them the visuals.

 

Harry stood up from his bed and took a look at his watch, noticing that it was barely 7 o’clock. He groaned and put on some clothes before going outside. He stopped though next to Liam’s bed and leaned in, kissing the other boy’s forehead. He deserved a morning kiss after he lost his virginity, but Harry didn't think he would be able to give it to him in front of everyone else. 

 

When he was outside, he lit up a cigarette and with a spring to his step he moved to find any diner open to buy everyone breakfast. He wondered how others finished their evening. They were back in the motel so they probably didn't go home with the girls. But there were plenty of other places they could have had sex. They didn’t have to do it strictly behind closed doors, biting on something to keep yourself from being too loud. God, it was degrading. 

 

Finally it seemed like Salt Lake City was waking up, all of white picket fence America hurrying to their boring jobs with their boring wives, kissing them goodbye on the threshold. He pitied them.

 

While he waited for food he ordered he drank coffee and smoked avoiding at all cost eye contact with a waitress, who was a little too forward for his liking. And you know. A little too female too. Fucking sixties and sexual revolution, making everyone so fucking bold with their advances.

 

When he came back to the motel room, the boys were already up and Niall practically suffocated him in a tight hug when he saw the dessert Harry brought for all of them. He placed one with extra sprinkles on Louis lap and kissed him on the head as a good morning, and then sat beside Liam with a satisfied smirk.

 

'Extra whipped cream for you.’ he said, placing another container on Liam's lap and wiggling his eyebrows.

 

Liam just shoved his arms, proceeding to open the container and after dipping his finger in the whipped cream he proceeded to lick it off rather suggestively, looking up at Harry with an innocent stare. 

 

'Animal,’ Harry snickered and took out his own food.

 

The other boys exchanged glances over their own breakfast food and suddenly sprinkles were stuck in Louis’ throat and his appetite was gone. 

 

'I’m gonna go take a shower’ Louis said and basically ran towards the bathroom with Harry’s gaze burning a hole in his back. 

 

Harry just bit furiously at his sandwich and stared at the door Louis disappeared in. So is that how it was going to be? Louis fucking what’s her face was completely okay but Harry fucking Liam was suddenly a problem? Such a little fucking hypocrite. Harry could fuck whoever he fucking wanted. They were both adults so Louis could suck, a metaphorical, dick. He wouldn’t spoil Harry’s fun.

 

'Ladies first,’ Harry smirked, opening the car door for Liam to climb into the back seat.The two of them had gone to return the key and the other boys were already waiting in the car.

 

'Such a gentleman’ Liam winked at him and touched his cheek briefly before falling into the back seat, hissing quietly at the sudden strain.

 

'Something wrong baby?’ Harry asked with faux innocence.

 

'Fuck you.’ Liam spat back, rolling his eyes fondly and trying to find a comfortable position. 

 

'Maybe later’ Harry giggled.

 

Other boys seemed to have caught onto situation pretty quickly and soon enough it looked like Niall and Zayn were trying to outdo each other in terms of who could be more filthy. Harry had fun, he took great photos along the way, he was laughing with his friends and he wanted more than anything for Louis to join in on the fun. But it seemed like Louis was way too preoccupied with acting like a moody princess. 

 

He was barely speaking to anyone which was saying something, especially since they were on the road for over six hours. They managed to eat dinner and Louis still said maybe three words. He just drove and looked straight ahead, his shoulders tense. Harry was studying him silently, dead set on ignoring his childish mood.But no one ever accused him of being good at ignoring Louis, so he turned up the volume on the radio to give them some illusion of privacy.

 

'Is everything okay, Lou?’ he asked quietly leaning in a little.

 

'Great.’ Louis snapped not even sparing Harry a glance

 

'Cause you don't act like it’s great. You act like something is really bothering you.’ Harry said, still softly, knowing that it usually took a while for him to break through Louis’ facade when something was annoying him.

 

'Why do you care?’ Louis demanded, sending Harry furious glance.

 

'Oh I don’t know, maybe because I’m your best friend?’ Harry asked sarcastically, his patience already wearing thin. 

 

'Well it seems like you have more important  _ things  _ to attend to’ Louis gritted out with his head motioning towards Liam.

 

'Well I’m not gonna fuck him in the car with all of you in here now am I?!’ Harry snapped, irritated.

 

'Oh but why not?!’ Louis exclaimed, attracting the attention of the other boys. 'Why don’t you do just that?! We already fucking heard a play by play of your adventures last night! Why not a visual presentation!’ he yelled, his face red with anger.

 

'What the fuck even is your problem, huh?!’ Harry yelled right back, turning fully towards Louis to demand some answers. Louis held eye contact with him for barely a few seconds before turning sharply and stomping on the brakes on the side of the road. He killed the engine and jumped out of the car, slamming the door.

 

'You can just drive yourself to your precious fucking Castro! Or better yet! Why don’t you stay here and fuck all of them in the car, huh?!’ he yelled, the accusation sounding ridiculous even to his own ears but he was way too angry to stop now. 'I’ll find my own fucking way!’ he yelled, storming off.

 

'No!’ Harry yelled, going after him. 'You don't get to walk away from me, you hear me?!’ 

 

The other three boys were left in the car with dumbfounded expressions, looking between each other. Liam bit on his nails, nervous and guilty.

 

'I’m sorry I screwed up the trip’ he said, his cheeks red.

 

'You didn’t.’ Zayn said, soothingly placing a hand on Liam's leg. 'That’s love my brother, they need to let out all those emotions to be free’ 

 

'Jesus Zayn, not again.’ Niall moaned, banging his head on the car door.

 

Meanwhile Harry finally caught up to Louis and grabbed him by his arm, turning him around violently.

 

'Jesus, you’re fucking fast.’ he snarled, looking down at his friend and breathing heavily.

 

'You sure you want to call Jesus now? He’s not exactly fond of fags.’ Louis shot back, his nostrils flaring and Harry stepped back like Louis had punched him. 

 

'What the fuck?!’ he yelled, getting back into his space and fisting his shirt in his hands. 'Since fucking when do you have a problem with me being gay?!’ Somehow Louis acting like a homophobic douchebag hurt him a million times more than his parents doing that. 

 

'Maybe forever huh? Did you ever fucking think about that?! Because I was fucking normal before I came to that Goddamn city after you! I was fine! And now! You’re fucking everywhere! And all I can fucking think about is a white picket fence and you on the goddamn porch! But I know it’s not going to happen, you hear me? It’s not going to happen because the best we could hope for is getting bashed at the same fucking time! Because we’re guys! We’re men and we could never be together! But I still…. ‘ he trailed off looking for a split second to Harry’s lips before stepping back and letting out the most animalistic scream Harry had ever heard in his life, hiding his face between his hands.

 

Harry stood there stunned, looking at Louis and trying to process everything he just said. He was still trying to understand his words when Louis lowered down his arms and looked at Harry with so much sadness that Harry’s first instinct was to come up to him and wrap him up in a hug.

 

'But I still want you.’ Louis whispered quietly and after a second of both of them holding a breath, Louis dared to look up to Harry’s eyes.

 

And then it clicked. As if on cue both of them moved towards each other at the same time, connecting their lips exactly in the middle. Harry’s body sagged like he was waiting his whole life for that kiss, anticipating it with his muscles tense and ready to respond. Louis on the other hand was kissing him like he was afraid to stop, drowning himself in Harry's arms and clinging to him with all his might. 

 

When they finally came up for air, neither one moved an inch. Harry rested his forehead on Louis’ head and laughed softly. 

 

'Um… I…. Wow. I’m pretty sure we should talk about this’ he added breathily, too giddy to even think about serious conversation now. 'Because you kind of said a lot of confusing stuff just now.’

 

'What about Liam?’ Louis asked tightening his hold on Harry’s waist, hating how insecure he sounded.

 

'Wait… so… you were just… jealous?’ he asked, leaning back a bit to be able to look into Louis’ eyes and as soon as he did, he burst with laughter. The answer was written all over Louis’ face. 'Oh my God, Lou if I had known that all it took was to sleep with Liam to get you I would have done that years ago!’ he exclaimed through laughter.

 

'He was a child years ago.’ Louis mumbled, trying to divert the subject.

 

'Lou. I want you too.’ Harry whispered, bringing Louis’ chin up with his forefinger and kissing him softly. 'I … I always have.’ he admitted happily. Now he could. Admitting it from the safety of Louis’ arms wasn’t nearly as terrifying as it seemed to be before. 

 

'We should um… we should go back’ Louis said softly nuzzling Harry’s neck 'We still have few hours of the road ahead of us. We should talk today though, okay?’ 

 

'Okay baby.’ Harry agreed happily.

 

It was so hard to let go of each other, but finally Harry stepped back and tugged onto Louis’ hand. He held it lightly in his own and it felt like he was floating in the air. When they saw the car in the distance they let go of each other, but only after Louis squeezed Harry's fingers reassuringly.

 

'Soooo… what is happening guys?’ Niall asked with lost expression, standing beside the car with Liam and Zayn, all three smoking.

 

'I… I don’t know’ Harry laughed looking sheepishly at Louis.

 

'We’ll let you know.’ Louis agreed, smiling at Harry lightly. 'I’m sorry.’ he said then, turning to other boys with an apologetic expression. 'I really didn't mean to blow up like that. I’m really sorry guys’ he said, playing with his fingers nervously.

 

'I’m sorry too if like it was … I just…’ Liam stammered.

 

'No Li, you have nothing to be sorry about, you did nothing wrong. It’s um… it’s…. I just have had some issues for years now I guess.’ Louis admitted rubbing the back of his neck in an uncertain gesture. 'I shouldn't take it out on you. Are we good?’ he asked hopefully, coming to stand beside younger boy and opening his arms. Liam happily obliged.

 

'Yay!’ Niall cheered loudly, and in the ruckus he was making everyone missed the way Liam whispered into Louis’ ear 'I would have never slept with him if I had known that you like him.’ 

 

'I know’ Louis nodded. 'It’s not your fault. I was just an idiot’ he admitted. 

 

'Yeah, let’s stop with the mushy stuff and get to San Fran!’ Niall yelled excitedly. 'How long are you staying there guys?’ 

 

'Three days. We have a concert tomorrow and then we’re staying for one more night.’ Louis said, still hugging Liam to his side.

 

'Well you have a concert tomorrow, I’m going to be sad and alone’ Liam pouted.

 

'I mean we could stay, keep you company?’ Zayn asked looking at Niall questioningly.

 

'No can do lads, I have to drive to LA first thing in the morning. Just spending the night in my mates place.’ Niall said, a little disappointed.

 

'Fuck, this is so awful.’ Harry sighed. 'I know it’s only been like a few days, but I’m going to miss you’ he whispered, looking at his feet.

 

'Oh Hazza!’ Niall yelled delighted, jumping at the other boy and pulling him into a hug. 'Leave me your adress and number for your place in New York, I’ll call you. Maybe even visit.’ he smiled reassuringly.

 

'Me too, brother.’ Zayn nodded.

 

'Okay it’s not goodbye yet! We still have few hours of drive ahead of us, let’s make a most of it!’ Louis exclaimed happily.

 

'And we can still go out tonight, right?’ Liam asked, and Harry and Louis looked to each other questioningly. 

 

'How about we um… we join you later?’ Harry asked, looking to Louis for his approval.

 

'Yeah… we have some stuff we need to talk about.’ Louis nodded biting his lips. 

 

Niall apparently wanted to ask what 'the stuff’ was but Zayn broke his no violence rule and kicked him in the shin with a satisfied smile.

 

'Sure guys, it’s fine’ he sing songed 'Let’s go.’ 

 

This trip had proven itself life changing already. He met some amazing people on the way and they did bond. It was hard not to after being with each other round the clock. But this now - the last few hundred miles outside of San Francisco was the best part yet. All the not so sneaky glances Louis was throwing his way were admittedly a little confusing but still warming his heart. He couldn’t exactly figure out what had happened, he had been so sure that Louis was out of his reach, but he decided to savour every minute of it. Louis had kissed him. He said he wanted him. Fuck,  _ he said he wanted him. _ As soon as the thought really sunk into Harry’s brain, his stomach erupted into millions of butterflies and his face broke into huge smile. For a second he had trouble explaining the feeling that was swelling up inside him before he finally realised. He was happy. He couldn't even remember the last time he was genuinely happy. 

 

He was pretty torn about whether he wanted them to drive like that forever so he wouldn't have to say goodbye to Niall and Zayn or if he wanted to arrive now just so he could talk to Louis already. But time took that decision away from him and before Harry knew it they were stopping near Niall’s friend’s house. They were dragging their feet out of the car just to put off the inevitable moment of goodbye, but after few second they were all standing in the circle next to the car and Niall was hugging all of them excessively.

 

'Okay, so this is our information okay? Everyone's number is on it so call yeah? And visit us in New York.’ Louis said, putting a piece of paper in Niall's back pocket. He also snuck a similar one in few various places in his luggage.

 

'Don't worry mate, this is not the last time you see me.’ Niall winked at him and patted his bum lightly. He took his backpack in one hand and swayed on the balls of his feet, trying to come up with anything more to say.

 

'Okay so if this is one of the last times we're seeing each other… why don’t you just tell us, where are you from exactly?’ Liam asked, finally acknowledging the elephant in the room.

 

'Um… Ireland?’ Niall said, looking at Liam like he had lost his mind. 'I told you that the first time I met you!’ he added, looking to other guys with his expression saying 'can you believe this guy?’ But before any of them could say anything the door to the house opened, revealing a guy with a strong Queens accent.

 

'Niall my brother from another mother!’ he yelled excitedly and Niall twirled around.

 

'Matt my man!’ he yelled 'I’ll be right with you!’ he said, imitating a New yorker better than Harry or Louis could have after years of living there.

 

'And who is that?’ Liam asked with raised eyebrow.

 

'My best friend from Queens, we grew up together.’ Niall shrugged. 'It was lovely to meet you lads!’ he yelled in a thick Irish accent and ran towards the house.

 

'This is one of the weirdest motherfuckers I’ve ever met’ Louis mumbled under his breath with a fond smile.

 

'Okay so where is he from?’ Liam asked with lost puppy look on his face.

 

Zayn just laughed and motioned Liam towards the car. He was laughing quietly while Liam asked over and over again what Niall’s deal was. No one answered, Louis and Harry both too occupied with sneaking glances at each other and Zayn just giggling softly under his breath. 

 

They drove for a few more minutes until they stopped in front of little house at the outskirts of San Francisco. There was nothing for a few miles of either direction, the little cottage being basically in the middle of nowhere. 

 

'This looks really creepy.’ Liam noted, looking around himself.

 

'This only looks creepy because it's dark already.’ Harry said. 'My friend Dustin lives here with his boyfriend Tom. He’ll let us stay with them for a few days.' 

 

'Do they know we’re coming?’ Liam asked uncertainly, motioning towards him and Zayn.

 

'I called them from the road, no worries.’ Louis smiled. 

 

Harry had met Dustin in a pub in Greenwich when he was an aspiring movie director trying to make some money for a move to California. He had lived in New York all of his life and figured if nothing happened for him there he should try on the west coast. Tom was the first person he met in California, and they clicked right away. Dustin always said that he loved the way Tom was so optimistic about everything and how he was always smiling. He always told Harry that his smile and the happiness radiating off of him was the reason he fell in love with the guy. 

 

‘Harry! Lou!’’ Dustin exclaimed happily upon opening the door. ‘I haven’t seen you in years! Jesus how is that you two just keep getting hotter every time I see you huh?’ he smiled hugging both of them tightly.

 

‘You flatterer!’ Louis laughed. ‘Dustin this is Liam and Zayn, strays we picked up along the way’ he added motioning to the other boys, and they exchanged handshakes and greetings.

 

‘Hello baby,’ Harry purred, sneaking his hands around Dustin’s waist and squeezing his ass quickly. ‘Where is that boyfriend of yours huh? You’re talking about him on the phone constantly and he’s so perfect from what you’re saying that I’m halfway convinced he doesn’t actually exist.’ He laughed then, pinching his waist.

 

‘Perfect, huh?’ they heard another voice and an indeed ridiculously gorgeous guy appeared in the door. ‘I’m making dinner for you guys, but my mom interrupted with a phone call. She actually wants you to call her, honey, something about that trip we’re planning to the cabin.’ Tom said smiling softly. 

 

‘Definitely perfect.’ Harry smiled trying not to be a creep and eyeing him from head to toe.

 

‘And you must be Harry! So nice to meet you! And Louis! Unfortunately straight friend!’ Tom laughed and Louis choked on his spit.

 

‘Unfortunately straight?’ Louis asked Dustin raising his eyebrow suggestively. ‘Is there something you want to tell me love?’

 

‘Don’t sniff for compliments you bastard’ Dustin waved his finger at him. ‘Hanging out with gay guys made you into greedy little thing’ he shook his head.

 

‘So um guys we actually just have one guest bedroom and a couch, if you don’t mind sharing?’ Tom asked hesitantly ‘They’re both doubles and we will give you extra blankets so it will probably be more comfortable than the floor.’

 

‘Me and Lou will take the guest room.’ Harry piped in so quickly that everyone looked at him questioningly while Louis blushed, looking at the floor. 

 

After dinner Dustin and Tom wanted to show them the city. Tom offered to drive to the centre and back - he was professional swimmer, so alcohol was not on his usual diet but Harry and Louis managed to get out of it. Mostly Zayn just looked at everyone with a look that spoke volumes and shooed them out the door. They had met Zayn not even a week ago, so it was kind of ridiculous how in tune he was with everyone. Maybe it was thanks to his peace and love shit. Maybe hippies were onto something. 

 

When the house was finally quiet and Louis came back downstairs from their room where he spent the past few minutes unpacking, Harry stepped out of the kitchen where he had been cleaning up after dinner, it having taken him at least fifteen minutes to convince Tom to let him do the dishes. They almost bumped into each other in the living room and stopped to stare at each other. 

 

‘Fuck. This can’t be weird’ Louis sighed and threw himself on Harry laying a soft kiss on his lips. ‘I know this is probably awfully strange to you? But, let me just explain okay? Because I had few months to deal with this and believe me it was really fucking awful at first, so I get that you need a minute.’ Louis said, starting to get twitchy and tongue tied. 

 

‘Lou,’ Harry sighed fondly. ‘it’s not awful, it’s kind of a dream coming true.’ he admitted sheepishly. ‘I am pretty confused but how about you just tell me?’ he asked pushing him gently towards the couch. ‘Do you want tea?’ he asked with his hand on his hip, and just then Louis noticed the fact that he was wearing an apron. 

 

‘God’ he groaned covering his face with his hands. ‘Take that off please.’ 

 

‘Um… ‘ Harry said tugging on the apron self consciously while blushing.

 

‘Fuck! No, no! Baby…’ Louis said standing up and bringing his hands down. ‘I didn’t mean it like that’ he sighed brushing Harry’s hair out of his face. ‘I just meant that my head is filling with a lot of scenarios of you wearing that apron and nothing underneath it and I can’t really focus’ he said, biting on his lower lip.

 

‘Oh,’ Harry said, a slow smile spreading over his lips. ‘Later then’ he said winking and taking the apron off.

 

‘Okay no tea, just come sit here.’ Louis said, patting the space on the couch next to him. ‘So we kissed.’ Louis said matter of factly.

 

‘We did.’ Harry nodded.

 

‘I just thought I should acknowledge it.’ 

 

‘Consider it acknowledged.’ Harry nodded again. ‘The question is, what now?’ 

 

‘Well… um… okay. Here’s the thing. I wasn’t like you. I never thought for a second that I could be gay when I was a teenager. Even after I found out about you the thought never crossed my mind. I was happy with girls, and I didn’t question it or know deep down that I was just pretending,’ he said rolling his eyes. ‘I was perfectly happy with the way things were. And then… I don’t know. There wasn’t like one moment that suddenly I realised that something had shifted. But I started to have less and less sex with Eleanor, trying to come up with new excuses to not have sex with her because I kind of didn’t want to and I caught myself thinking about you more and more and it was driving me crazy. Because I didn’t know what was happening. I have never felt like that about any guy before, and I tried to make it work with El, I tried to forget you and tried to hook up with some girl in Salt Lake City to convince myself that I was still straight and… I couldn’t go through with it.’ Louis laughed. ‘We were kissing, I was drinking so much trying to give myself a liquid courage to do it and I couldn’t. And then I came back and the next morning I realised you and Liam were together, and it made me so angry! Because here I was not able to do anything to get you out of my head but you were completely fine with fucking boys left and right. So I blew up at you, and I’m so sorry for that.’ he said taking Harry’s hand in his. ‘But the point is I… um…’ he released a shaky breath ‘I am very much in love with you. And well, you did kiss me back so I’m guessing you’re not completely uninterested, but… I don’t want it halfway.’ Louis said, his voice sounding small. ‘I’m just so tired with not being with you and these last few months I was kind of getting used to the idea that I might like boys. Well, one specifically. So if you don’t feel the same way we can just forget that ever happened. But this is not some experiment for me.’ he ended playing with Harry’s fingers mindlessly and looking at his face with hopeful eyes.

 

'Lou,’ Harry sighed happily and brought Louis’ hand to his lips, kissing it lightly. 'I was in love with you since I… fuck, probably ever since I met you. I have always known that, and you have no idea how awkward it was for me to hide my boners’ he chuckled at the memory, a little embarrassed. 'And I never wanted you halfway, I always wanted every single thing you were willing to offer. So if you want this - to be my boyfriend. My lover. I want it too.’ he said, his eyes shining with happiness and maybe tears a little bit, too. Louis let out a huge sigh of relief and his expression mirrored Harry’s.

 

'I love you’ he whispered, moving to Harry’s space and holding him in a tight embrace.

 

'I love you too.’ Harry whispered back happily, relaxing in Louis’ arms.

 

They spent the rest of the evening cuddled on the couch, not speaking much, trading kisses and soft touches. At one point Louis started to move his hand to Harry's pants to try to unbutton them, but Harry stopped him before he could even start.

 

'Only if you really want to’ he whispered, looking seriously into his boyfriend’s, God it sounded so good, eyes.

 

'I want to.’ Louis whined desperately, but Harry knew him better than that. A small twitch of his arms was all Harry needed to know that Louis’ response  wasn’t that simple.

 

'But?’ he prompted softly, squeezing Louis’ hand to encourage him.

 

'I don’t know how.’ Louis mumbled 'I’ve never.. I…’ he stuttered out, a blush spreading over his cheeks.

 

'Well the good news is you turn me on beyond belief even when you aren’t trying’ Harry smiled, caressing his cheek. 'And I could blame that on my teenage hormones but well, I’m not a teenager anymore’ he winked. 'But we don’t have to right away. We especially don’t have to on the couch in Dustin’s house. We can just go back home where you’re comfortable and try then. Or we can not do anything at all for years - I really, really don’t care. I love you, and I’m sure sex with you is going to blow my mind but it won’t be good if you’re not into it.’ Harry shrugged. 'So I’m all in, but only when you’re one hundred percent sure you want to.’ 

 

'We won’t be waiting years Harold.’ Louis rolled his eyes exasperatedly.

 

'Well that’s good to hear, because I was trying to be a gentleman but I have no idea if I would really be able to wait years.’ Harry giggled.

 

When the boys came back, Harry and Louis were already asleep cuddled in their bed. The next morning before the concert they didn't say a word to anyone about the change of their relationship status, but then again they didn’t have to. Everything was written all over their faces. The rest of the boys spent all of breakfast and the afternoon strolling around San Francisco exchanging knowing glances that skipped the attention of Harry and Louis completely, both of them wrapped inside their bubble.

 

And if a few hours later standing in the darkness at the Beach Boys concert listening to Wouldn’t it be Nice, Louis’ hand sneaked into Harry’s no one needed to know. 

 

The day of the final goodbye between them and Zayn was bittersweet. They drove all the way to his colony, wanting to spend as much time with him as possible. When it came to the moment of saying actual goodbyes, Louis couldn't stress hard enough how welcome Zayn was in their house in New York.

 

'I mean it Zayn. You need to call us, and visit. If I don’t hear from you in the next few weeks I’m going to personally drive here and drag your ass back to New York with me. I’m not fucking joking.’ Louis said with threatening finger pointed into Zayn’s face.

 

'I will, my brother.’ Zayn smiled softly, pulling Louis into a big hug. 'What you have with him is special. Your energy is something I’ve never seen in my life. It’s beautiful. No matter what people say. Never forget that it’s beautiful,’ he whispered into Louis’ ear, making him blush.

 

After Harry hugged Zayn, he turned to Liam with a questioning glance.

 

'Ready to go back to our awful reality?’ he asked with a little smirk in place.

 

'Um… you know what?’ he asked, looking over to Zayn softly. 'I think I’m going to stay here.’ he admitted quietly.

 

Louis and Harry exchanged a knowing glance and Zayn beamed happily. They both moved to Liam and wrapped him in a hug.

 

'Just remember any time you need call us so we can come get you or just find your way back. Our couch is always waiting for you, okay?’ Louis asked seriously.

 

'And even if you don’t need anything, I expect a call once a week.’ Harry said seriously.

 

'You got it.’ Liam smiled.

 

Harry and Louis went back inside the car and drove away until Liam and Zayn disappeared from their rear view. At Harry’s insistence they stopped at the first payphone on their way so Harry could call Grimmy and check how things were at home. He hadn’t talked to his friend in a few days, always missing him when he tried to call and Grimmy obviously not being able to call back since Harry was on the road.

 

Louis looked as Harry happily exclaimed upon Nick picking up the phone and then he watched as Harry’s face slowly turned white, his eyes growing big and scared. He stood anxiously looking at his lover’s eyes full of tears, his arms shaking. He moved to him and put an arm around his back in the most casual gesture he could manage

 

'What happened?’ he asked when Harry said goodbye to Grimmy and put down the phone, looking sick.

 

'There was a riot in Stonewall.’ Harry whispered, terrified.

 

'Like a raid?’ Louis asked, confused.

 

'It started as a raid. They were letting everybody out one by one as always but no one went home. They all stayed outside and when Police tried to arrest few people, they were dragging some girl to the car the mob just… broke. Grimmy said it was mayhem. They were burning doors to Stonewall ‘cause Police barricaded themselves inside. They took someone there and beat the guy to a pulp, no one knows who he was - he probably wasn’t even a fag since no one knows him. They just took him off the street. Grimmy is at home now and he has ten people that are beat up badly.’ Harry whispered, his lips shaking and his eyes pooling with tears. 'They’re talking about going out on the streets, marching and fighting.’ 

 

'We need to go back.’ Louis said with a determined face, tugging on Harry’s arm to get him into the car.

 

'What happened with laying low and not getting hurt?’ Harry asked, maybe a little bitterly.

 

'Fuck that.’ Louis spat. ‘I love you. I want to be able to love you. And those motherfuckers have no idea how pure that feeling is. And I know it’s worth fighting for. So I'm going to fight for it. You with me?’ he asked with fire in his eyes, to which Harry could only reply serenely.

 

'Yes of course, always’. 

 


End file.
